Godly Men and Women II
Vern Peterman · Dec 18, 2016
Specials
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/4926543541018

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

Good morning. Now, last Sunday, Courtney closed out the service making a contrast and a comparison between having a baby and having a kidney stone, right? So it just so happens that this exact time of year, 35 years ago, Nancy had a kidney stone, right?

And after she got through dealing with the immense pain that that was, she said, boy, I would have a hundred babies before I'd have another one of those, right? What I heard was, I would have a hundred babies. Boy, was I excited, right? Okay, that wasn't her point, but anyway, it got me rather carried away.

Okay, so last Sunday we introduced this topic here. We talked about Genesis 1.26-28.

And 1.27 particularly said, God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created him. Male and female, He created them. One of the things we talked about is what does it mean to be created in the image of God, but also making the point that he made them male and female from the outset. That was his design and intent.

We talked about the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage. We talk about the biblical definition of what is male and female in a marriage context and in a church context. And those are particularly contexts that the Bible does talk about. And so we made reference there in the marriage context to Ephesians 5, 21 through 33. particularly we talked about in a church context how the qualifications of an elder describe what God intends to be masculine expression in the church and that's given in first Timothy 3 1 through 7 and Titus 1 5 through 9 and first Peter 5 1 through 4 and so we laid those out as the context where scripture gives very clearly here is a masculine expression and here is in marriage and here's a masculine expression in the church.

And one of the things that's clear in both cases is that men are to lead. Men are to lead. It even gives some description as to how that leading is to take place. And one of those is by example. Now, today we're going to talk about the part that every single one of us has here in the body of Christ in expressing and developing the maleness and femaleness God intended. So, as we do that, we bring out the point that every one of us has been entrusted with a stewardship here in the body of Christ regarding the expression of maleness and femaleness in marriages and in families and in the body of Christ, us here in the church. We have a stewardship, and oftentimes more than one stewardship of that kind. So I think that's a perspective that God has entrusted us with stewardships, and at different ages and stages we may have different kinds of stewardships in that regard. So, in biblical times, and we bring this out just simply because the Bible is addressing one circumstance, and in fact our culture and over time has added some new features to that. In biblical times it was common for Jews in Israel for the daughters to marry by about age 15. and the sons by about 17.

Now, did some of them get married later? Yes. So this wasn't a everybody did this, but it was commonly done this way. Now, in our culture, we would say that's way too young, right? And so that would be one rather major transition that we've got in our culture. The roles of men and women were not always biblical. Sometimes things were done in such a way that there was a lot of male chauvinism, things of that sort. But nonetheless, distinctions between male and female roles were generally very clear among Jews living in Israel.

But today, we have a spectrum of genders. And I mentioned last week that at one point in time, 11, 12, 13 genders seemed to be the order of the day. More recently, 63 genders have been developed. And then this last week, I ran across a list of 63 genders among hundreds of other genders. So apparently this thing has really grown over time.

Average age of marriage now for women is 27, and 29 for men in our culture, right? So we've come a long way, so to speak, but we want to take a look at what does Scripture say. But just looking at our culture here, in a study less than a year old, so just earlier this year reported, 76% of those in the U.S. thought that living together before marriage is okay. And most of those thought it was a good idea or wise, right? Actually thought it was a good idea. However, only 40% of those living together before marriage actually end up married, right?

And living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce. Statistics vary, and here's one reason why. The more times people try living together, the greater the risk of divorce with each subsequent time before they actually get married. So moving from one live-in relationship to the next, to the next, to the next, increases the risk of divorce. Now, among the Gentiles, so here's the Apostle Paul writing in many cases to Gentile churches. Among the Gentiles, marriage was more typically in the mid-twenties for the man.

However, faithfulness on the part of the husband was not expected, but it was expected for the wife. Really shocking. But this is the way the culture went. So imagine the Apostle Paul as he writes to these various cultures. He's giving instructions on marriage, and he's having to address, OK, this may be what you're accustomed to, but this is what's biblical. So our own culture is moving beyond the immorality of the Gentile culture of New Testament times.

It is even more blurry in terms of sexual distinctions than the pagan cultures of those days in the definition of what's male and what's female. We've gotten very blurry and we even have medical assistance in causing that blur, that gender distinction. There's also the mobility between different genders. I talk about 63 genders plus some. and people moving from one to the next. There is getting to be, for example, a fairly large group of ex-gays. Now, because the culture is getting increasingly blurry out there in terms of male, female, what are those?

In order for us not to be simply absorbed into the culture, we need to be very intentional, right? Because the culture is trying to force feed us this gender spectrum agenda, right? The culture is pushing that upon everyone. In order for us not to get sucked into it, We have to be very intentional about what we're doing. We need to know what God's Word says about gender, male and female, in marriage and in the church. And look at what God intended, otherwise the culture's agenda will win out.

So now, we're going to look at Ephesians 6, 1-4 here, and it says, Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, that you may live long on the earth. And in verse 4, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So, one of the things you see there is honoring parents has three stages. When the child is under the parent's roof and authority, then honoring the parent means obedience.

And there's a key ingredient in that word that's translated obey, because we oftentimes think of it as, well, just do it, right? But obedience in the Greek here means to listen under. So you listen carefully to what's being said and place yourself under it. So that's actually two steps. Listen carefully and place yourself under. It is not simply just do it.

Then there is a time of respect for parents for the selfless gift of their time, energy, and resources given to their children. A little comment about that in a minute here. Then there's a responsibility to aid the parents until their death. Now, this is an ideal circumstance. The truth is, a lot of us didn't necessarily grow up in an ideal circumstance. You may even have in your background. I talk about selfless gift of their time, energy, and resources. Sometimes that didn't happen. Sometimes that didn't happen.

And so there is a duty here that comes not from paying back the parents for their investment of time, but simply a matter of duty, what one ought to do. So it's not just a matter of children obeying their parents, it's a matter of children learning, including by example, that for them to honor their parents also means the respect and responsibility part later on in life.

Nancy's folks are both home with the Lord. And so there was a time when I needed to support her in her caring for particularly her mom. Her dad just got through mowing the lawn and just boom, that was it. So there wasn't quite so much of that with him. But with her, Nancy's mom, there was a matter of caring for her for some years and offering help of different kinds. So, that does not mean, however, that each situation will be the same. There will oftentimes be lots and lots of differences. Where both Nancy's folks are home with the Lord, both my parents are still around. My dad is now 90, which is kind of amazing. He survived three heart attacks and six strokes. Still around. Amazing.

The children will learn how to treat their parents from what they see their own parents doing. Now, one of the things that's clear from Ephesians 6, 4, fathers are entrusted with the primary stewardship in the discipline and instruction of their children. So as fathers are given the primary stewardship there in the discipline and instruction of children.

One of the things that is a matter of learning, suppose I have not seen that happen in my life. Maybe even it's possible the father wasn't around. Maybe even the father was a bad example. There is still a place of learning, and this is going to be key, There's still a place of learning what should that look like, even if I haven't seen it, even if the example I had was a bad one. I know it's not right, but what is it supposed to look like?

We have three different areas of help in learning, oh, what should that look like? How do I fill in the blank, so to speak? The one area that we have is the Holy Spirit and the life of the believer. Second area that we have is the Word of God. To spell out, here's what that looks like. And the third is the example and counsel of Christians in the body of Christ. So between those three resources, and by the way, that's only really available in the body of Christ, Christians have the opportunity to do something different than what they've seen, or even provide learning in an area where they have no example.

I love my dad, but my dad, who's now 90, was largely gone, busy with business, and especially during my teen years. Especially during my teen years. He moved the family three hours to the north and then continued to work down the Silicon Valley, early Silicon Valley, and then just come up on the weekends where he'd work like a maniac and then go back down and go back to the Silicon Valley. So I had a blank there in terms of example, and especially in those critical teen years. All right, what does this look like? Well, there was no example there. My father was largely absent during those critical times.

So guess where I had to learn. I had to go and find out, how do you be a husband? How do you be a father? I found out as a work of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God and the example and counsel of other believers. That's how I learned. And many of us have to learn that way, where we haven't had an ideal example. So it's a matter of realizing, you know, I've got a blank here and I need to fill it in.

Or I've got an example here, but I know it's not a good one. I need to replace that with what is good and biblical. So many of us have to learn what that means in spite of having little to no example to follow or a bad example. Often as well, wives and mothers have had little to no example to follow, or even a bad example, how to support their husbands in their God-given stewardship. So there may need to be some learning there. We can learn, however, again, we've got three helps that the world doesn't have.

We have the Holy Spirit, we have the Word of God, and we have examples and counsel in the body of Christ. And it may be that that example and counsel is by someone like myself who didn't have a great example to follow and had to learn by these three things. But then I'm in a spot then to be able to example and counsel for others. Having learned it not from following the example of my father, but from these three sources, the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, and the body of Christ.

What you have here, this diagram here you have in the middle of page two, it shows on the left-hand side, here is the identity, a man, and the spousal role, the husband, and then the father, and then even the adult son, shown in the upper left here. So it's the question, what's a man? What's a husband? What's a father? What's an adult son?

So this is what I in great part didn't have. I had no example to follow. But you have the opportunity to be an example and define in the household, what's a man? What's a husband? What's a father and what's an adult son? So those roles, then that man, husband, father, adult son, then provides a role model as well as talking about it. So it's not just example, but it's also a message displaying, here's the definition, here's what a man is. Here is what a husband is. This is what a father is. This is what an adult son is to his son. See that?

There's one line in there that is key, and that is, the man in the household has the key and critical place of conveying value and worth. That's primarily the man's role, conveying value and worth to his children. Think about it. How does Christ convey value and worth to us? I'll die for you, right? I'll die for you.

So here is the ability of the man to then provide definition of what's a man, what's a husband, what's a father, what's an adult son to his son or sons. On the other side, you have the woman, wife, mother, adult daughter having the ability then to convey to her daughter or daughters, the role of a woman. What's a woman? What is a wife? What is a mother? What is an adult daughter?

And the opportunity to convey that same role to her daughters. So you have those examples. So you have example and you also have distinct and deliberate message. Talk about it. Talking about it. I'm doing this and here's why and this is what it means to be a woman and a wife and a mother and giving definition to that. So you're serving as an example but also discussing it.

Now, there is also kind of the complementary role. Here is the man, husband, father, adult, son. providing a complementary role example for the daughter so that she knows, oh, that's what a husband looks like. That's what a father looks like. That's what a man is. So there's that opportunity and also The man, husband, father, adult son has the opportunity to convey value and worth to that daughter. There is also this opportunity as a woman, wife, mother, adult daughter, having the opportunity to convey to her son or sons. That's what this role looks like. Now, this is the opportunity to convey and communicate by example and by talk, by talking within the family.

And it may in fact be, as with me, where I've got to learn what these things are first. before I can be an example. Like in my case, it was just a blank. My dad was in great part absent. Or you may even look at it and say, well, my dad was not a good example. But in either case, learning by work of the Holy Spirit, by the word of God, or by the body of Christ, what does this look like biblically? and then being able, once having learned that, to pass that along. And so that was my case, where I just didn't have any example at all. And so I had to learn, here's what that looks like. Oh, OK. And then I can pass it along to my sons. I can pass the complementary role along to my daughter.

One of the things that Nancy's folks were convinced knew the Lord, but they didn't talk about spiritual things in the home. So one of the things that Nancy and I determined to do was to talk a lot about spiritual things in the home. A lot. And to continuously communicate about that. My folks, both Christians, and from actually a heritage of all kinds of missionary background and everything else, but just my dad's absence meant that he didn't talk about these things. So I had to pursue, deliberately finding out, how do I fill in the blanks? Because I got big blanks here. What does this look like?

Now, Paul gives a hazard warning, okay? Apostle Paul first warns fathers to not exasperate their children. So the question is, what makes for an exasperated child? And what we point out is there's three ways, primary ways, to exasperate the children.

One is overly strict and intense discipline. Intense intense discipline, overly strict, holding up an almost impossible standard in discipline. Next, overly loose and lax discipline. And oddly enough, those two result in about the same thing. Right? So, and then the third way is going back and forth between them. And actually, I've crossed paths with people who've been brought up under all three of these categories. One fellow I knew, he said, you know, I never knew whether Dad was just going to ignore what was going on or just, you know, beat me to a pulp. And so, never knew.

So any one of these will bring exasperation, okay? Any one of those will do it. And that's the hazard that Paul warns against here. Now, Being a biblical parent in these times is tough duty. It's a tough assignment. And the teen years are especially challenging. So in marriage and in the family, the husband and father is entrusted with the primary place of discipline and instruction.

And that may not be because he's got good examples to work from. I didn't. It may not be Because he's automatically good at it. That's simply where God puts the stewardship. Puts it with the husband and father. He's the one who's been entrusted with this stewardship. And so, there is a question then, how do I go and carry that out, especially if I don't have a good example to follow? Now, I've got good news for you. The biblical stewardship that the Father's been entrusted with is not humanly possible. Isn't that neat? That's just great. It can't be done.

That's why we're going to head into Colossians 1.25-29.

All right, so Colossians 1.25-29, of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God that is the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations has now been made, excuse me, been manifested to his saints. To whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim him admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom so that we may present every man complete in Christ. For this purpose also I labor, striving according to his power which mightily works within me.

Now, a few things to note here. One is this mystery is something in the biblical sense, it was previously not revealed, but now revealed. So it isn't something that remains mysterious, but something that is now revealed was unknown or mysterious in the past, but not now. The other thing is in verse 28, you see there, every man, every man, every man. That man is not male.

We could put in there every person, so every single one. So we proclaim Him admonishing every single person and teaching every single person with all wisdom so we may present every single person complete in Christ. One of the things we see here is admonishing and teaching. The Apostle Paul wrote about his stewardship, that he aimed to admonish and teach every single one in the churches. He even wrote, here's where that's headed, and this is really helpful. So that we may present every, and I carry this across, every person complete in Christ. so that we may present every person complete in Christ. This has application here in the body of Christ and also has application in the biblical role of fathers and mothers with their children.

Now, I want to point out something and that's admonishing and teaching, as you saw a couple weeks ago when Randy taught on Colossians 3.16, those same words are used regarding psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. There is an opportunity, not just with what we example, not just with what we teach, but even with music, singing.

Nancy and I, all three of our kids were born in Ukiah, California. And all three of our kids were in great part raised in Carson City, Nevada. So we would go to visit family. We would drive for hours over from Carson City, Nevada over to coastal counties where our families lived.

And so Nancy and I would sing Christian songs for hours. We would sing and sing and sing and sing and sing. And what was that doing? It was teaching and admonishing. our kids. And so it was one of the ways of getting a message across to them. But as we look at this too, there's a great thing that we're going to bring out here.

Here's Colossians 1.28 and 29, applied to fathers and parenting. So this is as if the father was saying to his family of this family I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit right so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the Word of God in the family right that is the mystery the thing previously unknown but now revealed which has been hidden from the past ages and generations but has now been manifested to his saints to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among my family, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We, your mother and I, proclaim him, admonishing every child, teaching every child with all wisdom, so that we may present every child complete in Christ. For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me." Now, for this purpose I labor. This word labor means to work to the point of exhaustion.

And guess what? Being a parent? Yep. It's a lot of hard work. You have a baby, and it's just a wonderful little baby, and you just started at least a 20-year project, right? That's when this kid comes along here. So, labor means to work to the point of exhaustion. So you can imagine, here's the Apostle Paul, on the outside, you look at it, and you say, boy, that guy is just working himself to death. And if you're a parent, you know that that's about what it is, right? It is a lot of hard work, and you invest a great deal into those kids.

But that laboring to exhaustion was not at all by Paul's best efforts. It was the Lord working in him. You see that? Let me back up. For this purpose I also labor to exhaustion, striving according to his power which mightily works within me. On the outside, you look at the Apostle Paul and say, man, that guy is working himself to death.

But on the inside, it's all the Lord energizing and enabling everything. That's the only way you're going to make it as a parent. It's the Lord working in and through you. In fact, one of the times I recall is Nancy asked our sons, can you tell when I'm walking in the Spirit and when I'm not? She wanted them to recognize the difference. But it's that walking in dependence upon the Lord, walking in fellowship with Him in the parenting process that's key. And it's the only way you're going to make it. Because otherwise what's called for biblically in being a parent, and especially as our culture goes farther and farther off track, can only be done by the Lord working mightily within us.

One of the things that we did with our kids is when they got to be just pre-teen, I sat each one of them down and I said, you know, you're about to be headed into your teen years. And we just want you to know, maybe we're going to go through all kinds of things and you're going to go through all sorts of ages and stages, but here's where we're aiming. We're aiming for you to grow up to be an adult. And we're aiming for you to be able to step up to the plate in areas that are spiritual areas and in learning to make responsible decisions. And we're aiming you towards adulthood in all these different areas.

And that's where we're headed, right? That's where we're going. And so we had to lay that out. And that's similar to what the Apostle Paul does here. He says, where is this headed? This is headed so that you're complete in Christ. We have prepared you for adulthood. That's where you're headed.

So, being a biblical parent to children, especially teens, is way, way beyond what's humanly possible. Don't try this at home. Right? It has to be God working in and through you to pull this off. That's the only way you're going to be adequate for it.

And especially as the world goes farther and farther off track and communicates increasingly the wrong message. The message about what marriage is, even the message about what being an adult is. So during those teen years, parents have the opportunity to offer guidance in lots of different areas. That includes helping each teen discover whether they have the gift of singleness or of marriage. It was interesting. I'm not quite sure exactly what the influences were.

Nancy and I got married at age 21. Nancy had just turned 21. Maybe it was the dancing in the kitchen after dinner, things like that. They all wanted to get married, you know, at about age 21. And so that's a good thing. We, you know, carried out a marriage. We certainly didn't do everything right. But we carried out a marriage that had them saying, well, I want to have what mom and dad have, right? It also means helping them to come to an understanding of what that looks like. If the gift of singleness then here's what that looks like.

And it means, you know, you're not going to go around, you know, doing recreational dating and then just say, sorry, I'm not serious. Right? Or, if it's clear that this teen has the gift of marriage, and by the way, I decided when I was 15, I want to get married. Right?

Then he or she will need biblical guidance. How do I go from where I am now to marriage? And what does that marriage look like? Where am I headed for that? Essentially what happened with Nancy and myself is that it was a matter of inviting her along. This is where I'm headed. Inviting her along to join me. Would you like to come along and join me in this spiritual direction that we're headed? She said yes.

But that's key, is providing that guidance. Biblical marriage needs to be not just demonstrated to the home, but explicitly taught. This is what this looks like. So lived out, but also instruction. Here's what this looks like. That tells teens what marriage is. which is exceedingly important.

We showed that diagram earlier about the man provides definition, what's a man, what's a husband, what's a father, and the wife, what's a woman, what's a wife, what's a mother. So, exampling that and also talking about it. Here's what this means, so that they understand it well. instruction and guidance about how relationship ought to develop biblically and how one will know that a relationship ought to proceed towards marriage.

How can I tell that this relationship should proceed towards marriage or not? How do I know? It's critical to the character and duration of the marriage that follows. How do I go about it such that I know that this is the right relationship and I know how to carry it out?

One of the points we made here is we said all hands on deck. Everybody has some kind of responsibility. Scripture makes it clear that men are to lead in the churches. Certainly, we have women carrying on a number of different roles here, but men are to lead, and if men are being taught, then men are to do the teaching. Every single one of us has a place to define biblical maleness and femaleness, and at least to pray for others in the church body.

You may say, well, I'm single, or I'm way past raising kids or anything of that sort, But praying for those who are in the process, being a parent in these days, especially a Christian parent, is tough duty. And praying for those who are doing that and somewhere along the process.

And what is amazing is you may not have kids that are teenagers. Let me tell you, it'll happen real fast. It's amazing how fast it happens. The years zoom by. Now, in my case, one of the things that happened because my dad was absent for a good deal of my teen years, when my own kids became teens, I thought, oh boy, I have no idea what I'm doing here.

But I would spend sometimes hours praying for them. I'd take it out of my sleep, you know, but hours praying for them. And I remember talking to my son, Ed, one time, and he caught me. And he realized, boy, giving back to the Lord the kids that the Lord had entrusted to me, right?

So time praying for them, time praying for others who are going through various ages and stages and supporting each other. And also even praying for those who are single as well, because that has its own set of challenges. So praying for one another in whatever place the Lord has us.

And this being a parent is not a static thing, right? Just about the time you think you got it figured out, the kids change, right? Circumstances change. And so it's very dynamic. It's constantly changing. And you're aiming them towards adulthood, and that's not at all how they started, right?

So praying for one another in this is key. That, especially here in the body of Christ, is going to be critical. Because the world is not going to offer any help. The world is not going to help. As a matter of fact, the world is going to do everything it can to mess you up. But we have died to the world, and that's a good thing. Let's pray.

Lord, we do give you thanks. We thank you that you have given a great deal of guidance. We thank you that we have your Holy Spirit to lead us in these things and to teach us. Thank you that you've laid out much truth in your word to guide and direct us on how these things are to be carried out. And within the body of Christ, we have people who may or may not have had a good example, but have one way or another learned what this is supposed to look like. And so we look to you to guide and lead us as a church body, realizing that each of us is at different stages, but that also whatever stage people are at, it's going to change. And so we just thank you for your love for us, your care for us, And that in the beginning you made them male and female because you had something specific in mind. Thank you for that. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.