Each his own gift from God
1 Corinthians 7:1-9 · Vern Peterman · Sep 20, 2009
1 & 2 Corinthians, No. 15
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/492614351361

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

Good morning. We welcome some special surprise guests here. It's a long walk from Southern California, right? So, yes, right. So feel free to harass, I mean, say hi to Heidi and Helmut after the service. This morning, we're going to step our way into the passage that was read Some of the things that are going to be important as we step into this passage is it's going to be important for us to look at the context of Scripture.

If we take individual verses by themselves, that might possibly lead us to the wrong conclusion. But as we look at the larger context, it will become clear. So we look at context, context, context. And we're going to start off with a context of certainly the surrounding verse, but all of 1 Corinthians is a part of the context. Secondly, all of Paul's letters. He reveals things in his other letters that are important for us to consider. And finally, all of the Bible.

And so when we look at this passage, it's important not to take one individual verse and then make that by itself the final word. There's something else you're going to see this morning, and that's because this passage here deals with physical intimacy between married couples. And so you're going to see a pastor tap dance up here, verbally speaking, of course. So that's going to be interesting for you to watch and for me to carry out. This passage here, to summarize in the whole chapter, is about marriage and about singleness and all the relevant considerations.

He answers a lot of questions that perhaps they were asking, and maybe even some that they weren't asking, but that he needed to clarify. We have, as we started with this illustration, we'll end up showing a few times, and here's Paul who was a tent maker, And so were Aquila and Priscilla, or Prisca, as she was also called, tent makers, but they were married and he was single. So, though of the same trade, there kind of are two cases here. Paul's going to make reference to the fact that he is single as we go through this passage and into next week's passage as well. In this passage, Paul's going to correct some of their misunderstandings, and yes, they have many.

He's also going to give them some real guidance, where they don't seem to have guidance. In some cases, they may not even have had the question, but he wants to get some clarification anyway. He's going to bring in biblical insights on both marriage and upon singleness. He's going to put those in a biblical context. After all, he's writing scripture. He basically told them that in 1 Corinthians 4, verse 1. He says, you must come to recognize, you must reckon that we're stewards of the mysteries of God.

Along with these, he's going to answer some what-if kinds of questions. Well, what if this circumstance and what if that regarding marriage and regarding singleness? And he's also going to address attitude. What should be our mindset about singleness and about marriage? We're also going to be, in this chapter, turning a corner. We've turned a few, but turning a corner. And it'll not only be a subject change, but he's going to switch in what he is responding to.

As the messengers carried this letter from the Corinthians to Paul that had some written questions on it, they also brought some kind of oral reports, if you will, along with this letter. So that what Paul was responding to was both the written things as well as the things that he heard orally. And in fact what he does is alternate between them. So he's making this change of subject and that fits the pattern of 1 Corinthians as he moved from one subject to the next. He alternates between addressing what he has heard and this written letter asking questions. We showed on our probably the third lesson here on 1 Corinthians this outline where Paul switches from his oral reports and responding to those beginning in chapter 1 verse 10 and now here with chapter 7 begins responding to what was written to him. He alternates between that through the rest of the letter between those two kinds of things. He switches between them.

Now, one of the things that I'm going to propose to you is that 1 Corinthians 7.1 is a quote from the letter of the Corinthians. That is, Paul did not say, I don't believe, Paul did not say, it's good for a man not to touch a woman and leave it there. I believe what Paul did say was you wrote and then quotes them.

The English Standard Version actually has that. And one of the reasons why it's even in question at all, the original text didn't have any punctuation. At least no commas and quotes and all that. So it's a matter of seeing the context to determine what is meant by what we would express in our punctuation, quotation marks and things of that sort. Here are some reasons. Paul uniquely said here, you wrote, and then he spells out. So he points out that you wrote something, and I believe he then quoted it.

The next reason is because, and we're going to see this when we get to verse 2, immediately after he says, you wrote, it is better for a man not to touch a woman, he tells them to do exactly the opposite of that. So I believe he's correcting something, not just simply telling them it's better for a man not to touch a woman. Third, in verse 5, he's going to say, stop depriving one another. So he's again acting to correct what they apparently were following.

And fourthly, in Genesis 1.27-31, and then finally, In Genesis 2.24, marriage and the intimacy of marriage is looked upon as something that was a part of the original creation. As a matter of fact, in chapter 1, he says it is very good. When God created things, he said that's good, that's good, that's good, that's good. When he created male and female, including the capacity for intimacy, he said it's very good. It's difficult to go from there to, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. That would be rather opposite.

Here's what I believe seems to be happening, looking at the context, since the city of Corinth was infamous for its gross immorality. Even the entire Roman Empire, most of which was famous for its immorality, looked upon the Corinthians as the capital of immorality. even having a word, a verb in that form. We, in our own culture, are on that slippery slope.

We have certainly moved more and more in that direction. What's on primetime television is case in point. I can remember, and sometimes I can remember, I can remember there was a day when married couples were shown on the television in separate beds. No longer, and no longer required that they be married before they're shown in bed. Since the city of Corinth was infamous for its gross immorality, some believers wanted to correct the problem.

Ah, I know how to fix that. Men should never touch women. That's how we'll fix it. And so here is what they wrote. And Paul says, okay, this is what you wrote. It's better for a man not to touch a woman. And so immediately, he turns around and corrects that. Paul corrects the misunderstanding that they have. He says that's not the corrective. That is not going to resolve the problem.

So he corrects their misunderstanding by telling those who are married to end their abstinence in the marriage relationship. End the abstinence from physical intimacy between a husband and a wife. That's enough abstinence between the husband and wife. No more. Stop it. He tells them essentially, make a U-turn.

In contrast to, it is good for a man not to touch a woman, as I believe they had written to him, he says that each man, and he uses an imperative here, each man must have a wife and each woman must have a husband. He comes in very sharp contrast. He even starts off with, but. And in English we have one word, but in the Greek they had a word that meant sharp contrast. In sharp contrast to, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Instead, no, the answer is marriage. However, having said that, in a larger context, remember we mentioned context?

We see there is a God-given gift of singleness. Even God himself had given this gift to Paul, and Paul is going to make reference to it. So he's not saying that all must be married, but he's saying this why? In response to the temptation that is out there, and the temptation to use the passion for intimacy in a wrong way. He's saying, no, there is a valid fulfillment of that passion. Sexual passion, however, he says, must be satisfied in marriage. That's the reason for his coming out with this sharply contrasted statement.

Each man have a wife, each wife a husband. Here's the picture when we look at Genesis, and this is really where Paul is getting this idea. Genesis 1, 27 and 28. You also have it on page one of your handout. God created man in his own image and the image of God he created him. Male and female he created them. God blessed them and he said to them, don't touch each other.

Right? No. Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. I think that means intimacy. If you can figure out some other way to have that happen, let me know. But I think he's talking about intimacy. Jesus himself quotes this. He made them male and female in the passages there in Matthew 19 and Mark chapter 10.

In the very next chapter, he finishes the chapter, Genesis 2.24, which is quoted in Matthew 19, Mark 10, 1 Corinthians 6, And Ephesians 5, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And that's not simply euphemism. This is referring to physical intimacy.

That was what God intended from the very beginning. Both Christ and Paul made references to these two passages that we have looked at here and that you have also referenced in your handout. As we step into verses 3 and 4, we see that God intends a mutuality of fulfillment and of serving one another, between the husband and the wife. God intends for there to be a mutual fulfillment, one of the other.

In this, there is equality. One of the things that has become within Christendom and Christianity, An issue is this biblical equality. And I think one of the key things is the scriptures lay out in which sense men and women are, even in the marriage relationship, to be equal, to be considered equal, and in which sense there is to be a distinction and a difference. I think the point that gets lost on some is that they want to look at the equality and not look at the difference. And that's extremely important to discern.

I know Nancy got a call from the Office of Christians for Biblical Equality when she was working at the seminary while I was finishing up. And the gal on the other end of the line was appealing to her for support. And Nancy, and I'll paraphrase, basically told her, you've called the wrong place. That no, scripture won't support that.

And I think this is a key thing. There are points of equality in our position. There are points of equality in this particular realm that we're talking about here, mutual satisfaction and serving one another. There are also to be distinctions. And Paul makes that clear. We also know that these passages that make those distinctions make them not on the basis of something arbitrary or purely cultural, but on the basis of eternal truths. In Ephesians 5, for instance, Paul makes the distinction between the husband and wife based on the eternal distinction between Christ and the Church. It's not arbitrary, it's not cultural, and it's not because he's a chauvinist.

It is complementary, that is, one complements the other in the roles, not a matter of abusing or failing to regard and respect the place that God has given each one. You have a slide here, it's just full of text. I'm going to zero in on the middle part there. There are some positive implications in this passage because I don't want to give the impression from this passage that it's simply all a matter of duty and mechanics. And some of that comes out in this form.

The word translated do in some contexts has the meaning of reward. So there's a positive sense there. The Greek word not brought out sufficiently in some translations is eunoia. It means goodwill or benevolence. So the idea is this mutuality is not just a dry mechanical duty. Oh, I've got to do this. But rather is a blessing or a kindness. Important to bring that out. We'll bring out another key point along this line shortly. So we have a question for you. Oh boy, this is a good one. You're going to love it.

Is marriage to be a 50-50 arrangement or what? Is it half the man and half the woman? Is that how you come up with this? Is that how you fix this and mix this? Half and half, 50-50. Is that what God has in mind? Now, that's simple mathematics. I didn't have to go through all the math that I went through for engineering and business for this, but since a marriage involves two people, then you've got 100% of the marriage divided by two, then each one gives 50%. That makes good math sense, right? So isn't that the way it goes? Well, that might seem right, but it's not right.

Does God intend that marriage be a constant tug-of-war Between who does what? Always aiming in this tug of war to end up with 50-50. Does it have to end up being an arm wrestling? Okay, who's going to get which 50? And what exactly is 50%? Will we end up being at odds over it? How will we measure what's just here in the 50-50 division? And if we get into trouble, who's the referee? Is that what God has in mind?

Well, remember what it says there in verses 3 and 4. Each is to fulfill the needs of the other and each is to be entirely the servant of another. Each is to fulfill the needs of the other. Each is to be entirely the servant of the other. So biblical marriage is not 50-50. It's not arguing over which half is mine and which half is yours.

It's not wishing we had a referee to come in and decide who is supposed to do what. Oh, and by the way, with that little drawing there, I don't recommend you do that. That looks precarious to me anyway. No, what's missing from these pictures that I showed you on the slide before is grace. Grace, grace loving in the relationship says each gives 100%. Then you're not arguing over the 50 and where the line is and whether you've exactly split it evenly. Each gives 100%.

There's something else that comes out. We've said that each is to fulfill the other. Each is to serve one another in the marriage. But there's also a recognition God has made each one different. Yeah, each one is unique. Men and women are certainly different. I hope you've discovered that. But aside from that, there is a uniqueness in each individual. Since each person is an individual, all men are not fulfilled in the same way. Neither are all women fulfilled in the same way.

The husband, scripture makes clear, is to be the initiator of understanding. Got that, guys? The initiator of understanding. How do I get that? 1 Peter 3.7. It's not in your handout, but you might make note of it. And we'll also give you another way to look at it. It starts off with you husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way. Wow, is that a tall order? You've already heard, I'm sure, the classical question, who can understand a woman? Guess what? Peter says that's your job. Okay? Peter says it's your job. And so one of the questions might be, understand what am I supposed to understand? Well, Certainly, this verse is packed. We won't have a chance to go through it all.

But one of the key things to point out is that there are two key areas for us men to understand, for us husbands. And one is understanding what God has revealed in His Word regarding marriage. That's number one. Give it the right biblical understanding and context. And secondly, learning to understand his wife personally. That's application. One is, what does God's Word say? Applying it is, what is her character? How do I fit what God's Word says to our marriage relationship?

The husband is to take the initiative in these things. Now, just so that you won't be without adequate support in this area, there's a supplement in 1 Peter 3, 1-7 on the cabinet to the right. I hope the cabinet does not collapse. And so feel free to take advantage of that.

Now, in verse 5, he says, stop depriving one another. We made mention of that. Apparently, what they were doing was going around saying, look, we've got to solve this immorality issue. We Corinthians are famous for being immoral, so we're going to fix that.

Men, you stay over there. Women, you stay over there. And I notice we don't have men's side here and the women's side here at church this morning. So somehow you guys aren't listening, right? They were saying, man, you stay separate from the women, don't touch them.

That was their fix. And Paul's saying, nope. Within the marriage context, that is not what God has in mind. The fact that Paul is telling the husbands and wives not to be depriving one another strongly implies that they had been doing just that up to this point. So they get this letter and it says, stop it. I'm sure some of the men were going, And the lady is, oh, you know, yeah. He says, stop the not touching. Stop, stop touching.

The Greek word that is translated in verse 5 as depriving, in at least the New American Standard, it's defraud in the King James. is the same word used in 1 Corinthians 6, that's the chapter we studied before, and verses 7 and 8 that meant damages worthy of going to court. Stop damaging one another by depriving. You get his point? Stop causing damage. Stop defrauding one another is what he's saying. Spouses denying this mutual fulfillment and serving one another, he compares to fraud, swindling, and cheating.

Now, he next addresses in verse 5, after he says, stop depriving one another, he gives the exception. He says, oh yes, there is an exception here. The general principle is to fulfill one another. The general principle is to serve one another. But now he makes an exception here. This is the special case. So he provides this special case where a married couple can abstain. He says that's okay. And here are his points.

There are three of them. If you go to a tattoo parlor, I don't hang around those myself, but if you do, you can get these tattooed on your fingers so you can remember them. But one, by mutual agreement, Two, for a time, and three, for a good and valid purpose. Let me go over those again.

By mutual agreement, so this isn't a bargaining chip. If you'll hang these three pictures, and if you'll go and fix the gutter, and if you'll put this over here, then, then, no. It's not a bargaining chip. For a time. It doesn't say how much time, but for a time.

And then for a good and valid purpose. He gives, I think, what is an example, an indicative example, and that is a prayer. But there may be other things that come up. There may be, for example, circumstances. There may be illness. And it may be prolonged even.

The other part that I wanted to bring up that brings up a kind of a positive light and takes it out of the realm of mechanical, and that is the word translated coming together here is symphonos. This by agreement is actually, it's symphonic. He says, you can abstain by agreement, symphonic agreement. He wants you to make beautiful music together. By agreement. It's harmonious agreement. Harmony between the two. Not one imposing something upon the other. Now, verse 6. We have a question.

Is this Paul's concession stand? Paul actually talks about a concession. He's not talking about hot dogs or matzos or chili dogs or burgers or french fries. His concession here, he had just given them the exception to the great general principle of mutual fulfillment and serving of one another in marriage.

So now he's just giving it a context. He's saying, this is a concession made. It's not a command, you must do this. He says, you may do it. That's his point here. So that's Paul's concession. It was the exception to the general and broad principle. He wasn't telling them, you have to abstain, and here are the rules, but that you may.

The usual pattern is to be the mutual fulfillment and serving of one another. Now, Paul says in verse 7, I wish, I wish. Now, Paul deviates from something he typically does with the Corinthians, is most of the time he's telling them, you need to do this, you need to stop doing that. Once in a while, as he's writing, he tells them, this is kind of something I would wish. He isn't giving them a command. He isn't telling them what to do. He's giving them his heart perspective. He even writes, for example, to the church at Rome saying, basically, I'd go to hell for these people if that would do any good.

I could wish. And he's doing that sort of thing here. He says that he wishes that all were as himself single. Certainly, just after telling them each man must have a wife and each woman a husband, he's not telling them you must be single. But he's just saying, my perspective is this. I have a motivation in my heart in this way. That they were as himself single. Why would he do that?

He's about to give them some reasons why that that would be of a particular advantage. And we'll be certainly looking at those as we look at the verses ahead of us here. For now, he makes the point In this context, some have a gift for marriage and some have a gift for singleness. He puts it, one have a gift for this and one have a gift for another, but that's his point. For marriage and for singleness, each one is a gift. Now, just so that you won't be short and I don't have a big stack of papers to show you, but there's also a supplement on the advantages and the gift of singleness. on the cabinet to the right as you exit this room as well. And feel free to take advantage of that.

I think that's five or six pages long and you might find that of interest. What's interesting is that Jesus had a similar, a complementary teaching, one that's in agreement with Paul in Matthew 19, verse 12 verses. And it also provides some additional insights and information that Paul didn't have in this passage, so that's one you might want to take a look at as well. And we make reference to it in the supplement that we're making available to you.

In verses 8 and 9, Paul says it's good. It's good. What's good? To the unmarried and to the widows, Paul says it is good for them to remain single as Paul himself is. There's an important point that comes out of this. Notice he says widows. The widows are those who have once been married, correct? They've once been married but now are single. So what's he saying? He is giving us an important insight.

It is possible that the Lord would gift a person for a time to be married and then after that gift them to be single. So whatever gift the Lord has given you may not be for a lifetime. You may be single for a period of time, married for a period of time, and single, and each of those be a gift for each stage. But for them to remain single, he says, is both good and it's a gift. It's a good thing. It's a gift. It's something the Lord has particularly given. The way Christ puts it, and I think this will be something that puts the two teachings together.

The way Christ puts it, he answers the question, how do I know if I have the gift of singleness? Christ says that there are those who are, to use the euphemism, single for the kingdom of God. That is, then he says, for those who can accept it. So is a person gifted with singleness? The one question is, do they have a longing to be married? Then probably they're not gifted with singleness. Secondly, is singleness something that they can accept in their heart?

Is singleness something that they look at and they say, yeah, I'm satisfied with that. I think that's where God wants me to be. And they're settled with that. And that's just fine. That is another way of looking at Do I have the gift of singleness by kind of answering those parts of the question? Do I not have the longing to be married? That would be one indication. And then the flip side of that, am I settled that I'm single, I'm happy with that, I'm fulfilled with that, and I think that's where God wants me to stay?

Then the gift of singleness is the gift that the Lord has you for whatever period of time. If a person has passions that can only be fulfilled in marriage, then being married is better. I think one of the key things that Paul is addressing here, there's a lot about marriage that Paul doesn't address here, but one of the key things he's talking about is passions.

He's saying there is a valid fulfillment for the passions that God has given you. Isn't it interesting that the Lord does not give us a desire to eat food, but no food? Similarly, the Lord has said there is a valid place to express these passions, and that is within marriage. That's the valid place. It's outside of that that's the problem.

So He's saying, if one has a passion, that can only be fulfilled in marriage, then marriage is what the Lord has gifted you with. Fulfilling passions in a godly way is just one of the good reasons to be married. Unless, of course, God has given you the gift of singleness. Now I have to offer you a sandwich. I'm sorry, it's about an hour before lunchtime, but anyway, sorry I have to put a big sandwich up here on the screen. I hope it doesn't bother you. Let's introduce the sandwich I'm talking about.

1 Corinthians 7.4 is the verse that says, the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Isn't that interesting? Each has authority over the other. Neither has authority over their own selves.

Wow. But I thought we lived in a country where I get to do what I want. Isn't that the way it is? I get to do whatever I want. I get to fulfill myself. I am my own man. Isn't that what we're taught? You can do it. It's sandwiched between these two verses, remember at the very end of chapter 6, and we'll see shortly at the end of chapter 7. He gives a similar message.

What is it he wrote to them at the end of chapter 6? You are not your own, for you have been bought with a price. In the marriage context, there is, you're not your own, but your wife's. You're not your own, but your husband's. Even aside from that, however, we have this very clear message for all believers, whether gifted with marriage or gifted with singleness. You are not your own.

You have been bought with a price. Or at the end of chapter 7, you are bought with a price. The message repeated again. What price were you bought with? This was the price of Christ's life and blood. He gave His body. He gave of His own life for you and me. We're bought and paid for.

We're not our own. So really this principle that He's just given them, the husband and wife each owe the other their own selves. is between these two greater principles. Our lives are not our own anyway, contrary to what our culture might tell us. Our lives are not our own.

We're spoken for. We're bought and paid for, for eternity. We are forever the Lord's because of the price that He paid. We're His anyway. If we've been gifted with marriage, then there is a further reason to say, I'm not my own. I am first the Lord's and then my spouse's. No, whatever we've been taught in our culture, we're not our own. We're the Lord's, first of all, every single one of us who believe here today. We're the Lord's. And if married, also our spouse's. Let's thank the Lord.

Lord, we thank you that you have indeed paid the price that we can begin to see that in a very real and eternal sense we have been bought by you. You have paid the bride price that we might be your bride for eternity. And Lord, we thank you as we see the message of this passage here, that you have gifted each of us, you have bought each of us, that in the end we are not our own to determine what we like, to determine what we want and we desire, but we are indeed yours. Thank you for that. Thank you for the lesson in the largest context and in this particular passage. We just thank you in Jesus' name. Amen.