As Time Goes By

Good morning. We're continuing this morning in our series as we have actually for the whole month since the year started with a series centered on Genesis 224 and We continue on here today. The theme is, as time goes by, it looks at what are the things that God's Word tells us about the phases of life and the phases of marriage and the family, and what guidance does Scripture have for us? What insights does God's Word lay forth? We'll be centrally looking at the passage that Courtney read for us here and also bringing in other verses as they apply. We have a couple of supplements for you. Those of you who may be visiting, folks have even gotten to the point where they're kind of chuckling about supplements, because it seems like we give out supplements every week. This is no exception. They're on the cabinet to the right as you exit this room.

And we're also kind of continuing a pattern we began last week, and that is sign-ups. If they run out of supplements, you can sign up for some more. And those sign-up sheets are out there. And we have sign-up sheets still from last week. If you missed last week and wanted to get those, those are available as well. So do look for those if you would like to catch up with last week.

Or if we run out of the ones you're looking for, we can be sure to get those to you. The handout on pages 1 and 3 today goes like this. It runs three across and has this pattern. And so you can track with us. These will correspond to slides that we'll have up front. The other thing is you'll notice a number in the bottom right of the slide, which spells out the page number on your handout. So you can stay in track with us.

One of the things we pointed out in previous weeks is in Matthew 19, verses 10 through 12, And in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, specifically in verse 7, the Apostle Paul and Christ both put together this consistent message that both singleness and being married are gifts from the Lord.

They're a giftedness. It isn't like one's a gift and the other is I don't know what, right? They're both a giftedness from the Lord. They're both by God's intent and something that the Lord intends to use. They both have a spiritual purpose. That's a key message to draw from here. Further, both single and being married are spiritually valid. They do have a purpose. They are by God's intent. One place or the other is not somehow more blessed. God has a place and a purpose and a biblical intent for each one of those states. Regardless, there is a purpose for singleness and for a married couple in eternity.

There is a purpose for that, that is an eternal purpose, even though the state of being single or being married is for here and now. As we read through the passages that apply here from God's Word, we find out that God intended for us who are in the church to find that our love for one another is not just, well, try to love somebody.

Hey, good luck. Okay? It is not by God's intent that we try hard to love one another or we just have feelings of love and we operate off of that. No, that's not God's intent. God's intent is that the source of the love that has lived between us, in whatever relationships He has called us, the source of that love is by God's intent to be God Himself. There is no other substitute. And strong feelings does not make up for that. Having some sort of a commitment to loving is not the idea. Even the concept in our minds is not sufficient.

It is by God's intent that love come from Him. That He be the very source of love in whatever relationship the Lord has called us to be. It's also by God's intent including the love that a man has for his wife, be motivated by grace from heaven. This is a key thing that we have been, as we recently wrapped up our study of Galatians, carries forward into this very lesson here. And that is, we don't love because you gotta love and you're told to or you're supposed to, right? We love because it is motivated by grace, okay? By grace, not by law. We love because it is empowered and enabled from the Lord Himself, from heaven above. It is lived from heaven. It is lived from there. Christ is our life. And He is seated in the heavenlies. Life here is lived from there. And that's a key thing for us to get in our understanding and in our daily life.

One of the things we brought forth as we were looking at this creation account, and looking at the end of Genesis chapter 2, we see the first marriage. And one of the things that comes out is this. In the beginning, God had created, and Genesis chapter 1 spells out as much detail as we have on it, God created everything else first, and then brought mankind into being. How did he do that? He first created Adam and next created Eve from Adam, bringing them together in the first marriage.

I think, you know, as we look at it, we think of a wedding ceremony as, you know, being done by a pastor or something of that sort. But in fact, the first marriage was done by God. God is the one who put it together. Every marriage since then is still by God's initial design and intent. You may have all kinds of people involved. People have bridesmaids and groomsmen, all sorts of people involved. But no matter how many people you get involved or how few are involved in that wedding ceremony, it is God's design. It is God's marriage.

He is the one who put it together that very first day that he brought about a man and a woman. Marriage was made on earth from heaven by God himself. It was God's intent that marriage, which certainly is on earth and for earth, continue on this earth until this earth has ended, even though it is made from heaven. Is a marriage made in heaven?

Yes. That is where it came from. Marriage on earth expresses the eternal romance of Christ in the church, and I think that's something that is pivotal to the passage that Courtney read for us. That entire passage, Ephesians 5, 21 through 33, has woven all through it, this interrelationship, the eternal romance of Christ in the church. Because of Adam's sin, no marriage on this earth is forever. That's not God's design and intent. However, why is that? It is because another marriage will overshadow it. What do I mean by that? That sounds kind of puzzling.

Let's look at it. Even though marriage, as we know it, is for this time and for this earth, It is God's intent that marriage, in its best, in its ultimate, be based on and express the eternal romance between Christ and the Church. That's the reality. That's the ultimate model. What we live out is the living out of that model, the eternal romance of Christ and the Church. We are the Church, those who believe, are His bride. That's God's intent. That's God's design.

One of the things we brought out last Sunday is the relationship, and this is spelled out repeatedly in Ephesians 5, 21-33. The relationship between a husband and a wife is as the relationship of Christ and the church. Got that? The relationship of a husband and wife is modeled by, is to reflect, is to be based upon the relationship between Christ and the church. Scripture makes that abundantly clear. It is exceedingly clear as we read through that passage.

Three weeks back, we made available a handout, and if there's further interest, we'd be glad to put it out again. But it is a handout that lays out that throughout the New Testament, from the end of the Gospels to the last chapters of the Book of Revelation, it lays out the parallels between the Jewish wedding and marriage practices and the relationship between Christ and the church. That is not a minor message in the New Testament, but rather a consistent message. Everything from the last things in the last week that our Lord said to the disciples before he was crucified, to the last chapters of the book of Revelation and the very final book of the Bible. It is a message woven throughout.

The romance between Christ and the church, first the betrothal, Then the marriage between Christ and the church yet to take place. I Hope it's today That that calling home the beginning of the wedding ceremony begins if we're if we're very fortunate We won't even finish this service. Sorry art.

We'll just miss the you know But one of the things that comes out of that is is we can look at a great number of these passages that lay out this truth. As a matter of fact, I think initially the disciples were baffled by the message as it comes across. By Christ saying things that they would have thought, well, wait a minute, that's what a bride says, that's what a groom says to the bride, rather. And they would have thought, oh, that's a strange thing for Jesus to say. until they finally understood.

And then you see it in their letters again and again. They said, ah, now we get it. The eternal romance between Christ and the church. The betrothal of the church to Christ. And that eternal romance in the heavenlies. That, that is what our Lord was getting across.

That the apostles understood and conveyed throughout the New Testament. Now, we previously asked If there were married couples who would like to participate in a brief and simple ceremony that expresses biblical truths we've learned in recent weeks, and we'd like to ask those couples to come up at this time, come forward. And why would they want to express these truths in such a ceremony?

It isn't because their original ceremony isn't valid or sufficient. It is, okay? It isn't because the ceremony is invalid, but Scripture makes clear that the original ceremony should be honored. And that's even if they were unbelievers initially, or if one remained an unbeliever. That's fine. Now, why would we have such a ceremony? We would have such a ceremony, not because the couple didn't mean it the first time. We assume that you did.

But perhaps their marriage means something in light of God's Word, that they didn't know about or understand at first. They understand that now, however, having gone through this time of our teaching, and wish to express that understanding to each other and to share that with us. It's not that they didn't mean it back then, but rather than it means something now that it didn't perhaps mean back then.

We would have such a ceremony, which certainly doesn't call into question or touch their original ceremony, but because it expresses the biblical basis of their relationship, which their children quite often, or of course, didn't see when they first got married. Their children had not seen that. It is for such a couple a teaching opportunity for their children, and for us. We would have such a ceremony, Not because it's required in God's Word, it's not.

But because we have the freedom in Christ to do so. But whether one is up here to participate or not, we're all joint heirs of the grace of life. And the focus is ultimately not upon ourselves. After all, one of the key things we've been looking at these last several weeks is kind of amazing, our marriage. The marriages that we have here are not about us. They're about the Lord and our focus is upon the Lord as we do these things.

Couples, would you please join hands? Today we are together acknowledging that you have joined yourself in marriage because God was the one who created and designed the marriage of a man and woman from the beginning. Your marriage is for this present earth and for the time that you both shall live. But, your marriage is intended by and is from the God of heaven. Your marriage is a living representation, got that?

A living representation of the relationship between Christ, now in heaven, and His bride, the church. That marriage of Christ and his bride, the Church, will take place and have it a time yet to come, appointed by the Father. I hope it's soon. To each husband of you, I say, God's Word makes it clear that in the living picture that was painted by the Apostle Paul, you stand in the place of Christ.

You are to love your precious bride continually and unconditionally from a love from God Himself that this world doesn't even begin to comprehend. You are to love your bride sacrificially, pursuing her growth in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, loving by leading and leading by loving. You are to express your love for her and be bonded to her on every level so that the expression of your dearest and deepest affections is for her alone. Your love for your bride is to be a living picture of the eternal romance of Christ and the Church.

And you know that carrying out these things is humanly impossible. I hope you know that. What we have just described as God's intent for each of you is only possible as you are motivated by grace and enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit to live these things out. If you understand what God is revealing and are willing by the persuasion of His awesome infinite grace, to step by faith into what God has revealed for your marriage, please say to your bride, I am willing by His grace. And to each wife I say, God's Word has a precious and privileged place for you.

You are the living picture of the Bride of Christ, the Church. Ephesians 1, 3, and 4 says, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before him in love. Bride, God has appointed you to a lofty position that calls you to these things. live in oneness with your husband, to be responsive to the love of Christ expressed through your husband. Submit to your husband's godly leadership in support and cooperation, and to be respectful of your husband as you are of Christ. God's Word says, that you not only have the relationship of Christ to his church for insight into these things that we've spoken of here this morning, but your own relationship to the Lord is a model of your relationship to your husband as well.

You have both of those pieces of godly guidance. Your responsive love to your husband is to be a living picture of the eternal romance of Christ and the church. You know as well that carrying out these things is humanly impossible. What we've just described as God's intent for each of you is only possible as you are motivated by grace and empowered and enabled by His Holy Spirit. If you understand what God has revealed in His Word and are willing by the persuasion of His awesome infinite grace to step by faith into what God has revealed for your marriage.

Please say to your husband, I am willing by his grace. Let's pray. Lord, you have made marriage from the beginning and have gifted each of these couples with a marriage relationship. I pray for each one of them and for each marriage here this morning to be drawn by your grace, to live out by your grace what you have intended and motivated and have provided for in each of our lives. Amen. Amen. Thank you. Be seated. I don't have a slide for that. Thank you for sharing that with us here.

God's original intent for mankind, both male and female, is revealed for us in Genesis chapters 1 and 2. And we've been, of course, studying that here for a couple of months. Because of Adam's sin, however, the fall of man impacts how that original intent is carried out. Because man fell, God doesn't say, well, I guess that marriage thing is out. Instead, what it does is it leaves in place the institution of marriage by God's intent. His original intent is not cast aside, but it is altered.

And so that's one of the things we'll be looking at this morning. As we look at these biblical insights on the stages of life, we're going to see the Genesis 1 and 2 principles, the principles drawn out of those chapters, and the impacts of the fall of mankind. We'll be introducing that in our studies this next month. are brought out in Genesis chapter 3.

Marriage and family are both from the beginning. There's no changing that or questioning that. But there certainly have been changes in the way that man has been dealt with by God among different people in different times and especially because of this fall of man. We'll find in God's Word that marriage and family and singleness all have basic principles that carry across these times, these ages, and these centuries. The basic principles will continue as long as people have bodies like this, and as long as this present earth continues.

In Exodus 20 verse 12, for example, under the law of Moses, honoring father and mother, it came with this promise of prosperity and long life in the promised land of Israel. That's what it was directed towards. And failure, however, brought death. Exodus 21, 15, and 17, anyone who failed to honor father and mother, and that was given a kind of a bottom-line definition, received death penalty. Now, in Ephesians 6, 1-3, that Courtney read for us, under grace, honoring father and mother brings about spiritual prosperity, that is, realized blessing, here on this present earth, but failure does not demand the death penalty. A principle may be given under law, it is still lived out under grace. Jesus spoke about marriage and divorce, male and female, in this chapter we referred to earlier, chapter 19, verses 3 through 12 is the whole context there.

And in that he gives an understanding and insight into godly singleness as a valid biblical and godly purpose. He revealed what was a new truth. It was a truth that the Jews themselves didn't understand or teach among them. But his response was in complete agreement with the apostles who taught grace.

How is that? Marriage was created by God from the beginning and was made for all time on this present earth. Marriage is something that carries across the times. that it doesn't matter the fact that the Jews had this one set of bases for their blessing, and we another. Marriage is for all in singleness. Under the principle of law, you're blessed if you obey, and you must do it on your own strength, and failure is at some point guaranteed. But under grace, we who believe are blessed with every spiritual blessing. That's the verse that we read there out of Ephesians chapter 1 verse 3. Notice I have with color and bolding this word believe.

What do we believe? Do we believe something? Is that what he's talking about? No. This is those who have believed the gospel. Let me just lay it out clear so that we are not foggy on that point. Believe what? Believe that Christ died for your sins. Point one. Christ died for your sins, that He was buried and He was raised the third day. That's the gospel. Do you believe it? You're saved.

That's it. It's that simple. It didn't even take me a minute to say it. Now, it may take a long time to understand exactly what all that means, but that's the simplicity of the gospel. That's what we're talking about when we say, we who believe. If you believe that, you're blessed with every spiritual blessing. It'll take you a lifetime to learn what that means. We are motivated by grace and empowered and enabled to live by the Holy Spirit, a truth that we brought out here in this ceremony we had just minutes ago.

On page two of your handout, you have a sheet that looks much like this. It's kind of in landscape mode. And what we've done there is to lay out some parallel truths. And this is the as time goes by principle. We go there on the top line from birth to growing up, and then ultimately marriage and leaving home. And children are born and raised out of that marriage. And then children marry and leave home. And then assistance from the children to the parents. And then death. Or for a fortunate number, and I hope it includes us, the Lord takes us home. Rapture. No death. There is also this honoring parents. It was brought up in the passage that Courtney read for us.

It is the first of the Ten Commandments, not that we live under law, but it is the first of the Ten Commandments that applies to human relationships. The other commandments before that all apply to relationships with God. And so we'll step our way through that, the three categories being obedience of children to their parents, and then respect as those children grow up into adulthood, continuing respect for their parents, and finally, as needed, responsibility to those parents.

And we also have the next series down is headship in the home. In each case, the husband and father has the headship in that particular home. And finally, the priority of responsibility. We won't go into that so much this morning, but it's available there for your reference. OK. Let's go back to this honoring parents, obedience, respect, and responsibility. Question is, what does honor mean? What does it mean to honor your parents? This honor your parents means different things in different stages of life.

That's what scripture lays out here. And so we have, kind of jokingly, an appearance award for sacrificial service. Being a parent is a two-decade, roughly, lesson in, you know, delayed gratification and denial of self and doing something other than what you want to do right now, right? So it's a two-decade lesson in that. If you happen to space out your kids, it'll be longer, okay? Nonetheless, it's certainly a sacrificial service.

This obedience is obedience to them as the child. I'll give this additional insight from the passage that Courtney read from us in the very first verses of Ephesians chapter 6. That obedience means to listen under. It's to listen and place oneself under what is heard. to hear it and respond to what you hear. Not just, I'm doing it on the outside, but inside I'm still rebelling. It's to listen to it and have it from an understanding and from the heart get lived out.

That's the meaning of that there. So that's the first part of this honor your parents. And it's certainly true, valid, biblical, and God's intent. for children who are under their parents here. And we have some interesting historical photos. Respect is the next one. As the children grow up and leave home, either in pursuit of careers or as they're off in beginning a marriage relationship, however that comes about. And certainly, it's understood that in our culture that does happen in a number of different ways.

There is then the position of respecting the parents, continuing respect. There's not the obligation to obey, but continuing respect for the parents as the believer becomes an adult and leaves and goes out of the home. And finally, responsibility for them as they age. As the parents get older, in some cases it may require fairly little In other cases, it may require a lot. And there can be anything in between. But nonetheless, the responsibility is there if the need is there. Got that? Responsibility is there if the need is there. Now, what honor means.

Here we have a picture of Nancy and I, say, 34 years and a couple months ago with both of our sets of parents. God calls us to show respect and to be responsible as married or as single adults, either one. And so this is where it doesn't matter what your own marital state is, if there is a place of showing respect and responsibility, it is there, continuing. Marriage joins a person into the other's need. to show respect and be responsible.

I give the picture here of Nancy and I because both Nancy's parents are home with the Lord. My parents are still around. So what that means, though, is though it came in different stages, though it came in different stages, a marriage joins you to show that respect and responsibility for the other spouse's parents. to continue on that message. And so as Nancy and I got married, and here we have both of our parents there, great picture, but it's not just a pretty picture. It is also a responsibility joined in marriage. I must support Nancy as she goes and cares for her parents, and now they're both home with the Lord. and mine are still around and so that showing respect and being responsible as they need that help, she is joined with me in that.

Honor can also include support of one's financial and physical assets. Again this may in some cases involve very little, in some cases it may require quite a bit. But honor can include that as well. And certainly, this is a part of that responsibility that we talk about as being commonly the final stages. But the schedule can get moved up, can't it, under certain circumstances? Honor is shown in care and respect on the death of another. So this is typically the last expressions of honor and the sense of responsibility.

There's a time for each one of these expressions, isn't there? As time moves on and as these relationships change, and as we change, as I found out, as time goes on, at one point in time, it was a matter of me being obedient to my parents. Not that that was always easy, but being obedient to my parents, and then moving on to a place of recognizing the need for respect and then responsibility. This responsibility moves on, doesn't it?

Our honoring our parents doesn't mean that the wholeness and priority of the marriage relationship is violated. Nancy and I got married 34 years and two months ago. And I think one of the things that's been neat is that both of our parents have understood this principle, that they need to honor our marriage. And so we've maintained the relationship, but the honoring of our marriage and the respecting of that as God has put it in place is another very important principle that comes forth here. The holiness and the priority of the marriage between the husband and wife should be respected by all, and if need be, protected. If need be, protected. There may be a place for the husband and wife to stand together and to say, no, that's not what should happen.

Nancy and I have, over the last couple decades, been involved in varying kinds of counseling. situations and sometimes it's amazing. Some of it will be a friend, some of it will be a brother, some of it will be parents, but people who don't understand the priority of the marriage relationship and the autonomy of the marriage relationship.

It is now the spiritual and emotional center for those two people and their children and needs to be that. Protection, however, is not enough. It's also important for a couple to keep in mind the character and quality of the marriage itself, the very things that we've described here this morning. The love of the husband for the wife unconditionally. We've said that the marriage relationship is to be the first place here on planet Earth for spiritual, as the spiritual center of the home and the emotional center. And it needs to be that and have that, not just be protected.

The husband is to lead by loving and love by leading. That's the way that the husband expresses his love. He leads by loving and loves by leading. Exhibiting the four kinds of love we haven't detailed those here this morning other than in this brief Ceremony, but let me just give them the four kinds of love the sacrificial love modeled by the love that Christ had for the church a Sanctifying love a love that pursues the wife's holiness and sanctification from the husband third a caring love from the husband where he widens the circle of love for himself to include her and and any children that they have. And fourthly, a bonded love. A love that expresses affection upon her alone. The wife is to submit to and respect Him by Christ's life.

Now, one of the things that comes out on your chart on page 2 is this word responsibility comes up a couple of times. And it's important that we understand what is this responsibility? What do we mean by that word? Now, responsibility is under grace. Responsibility under grace says that a believer has a responsibility to his or her parents, but the responsibility under grace is not for the believer to carry out. What? What does that mean? Now, you may be as shocked as this person here up on the screen. Let's explain that.

God's intent is not that we say, okay, I've got a responsibility, I guess I better do it. No, that is not God's intent. God's intent is this. God's intent is that you be motivated by grace, enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit to live out that responsibility. How do we summarize this principle? Under grace, you are God's instrument for carrying out that responsibility.

God is the one who actually takes the responsibility that we have laid out on this chart on page two and lives it out through you. It is not God's intent that you try really hard to carry out the responsibility and try by your best efforts to do that. Forget about it. Don't try this at home. It is God's intent that this responsibility be carried out by Him, His doing, His accomplishment.

It's also important to recognize that there are all sorts of variations in these circumstances. We kind of lay out this generalized model. But things can happen. It can happen by an unexpected death, that we have atypical circumstances. What may be even a little more sorting out and thinking through an illness, which is maybe severe and sudden or maybe chronic, an accident, an injury, can change the circumstance. So these atypical circumstances don't nullify the biblical principles. They call for a special application and actually a testing of the principles.

Now you may be wondering, why does Vern have a picture of a tick on here? Here's why. There's a reason. This beautiful scene from my parents' front yard is where I got Lyme disease 16 years ago. And I was still trying to sort it out. Well, in the middle of this, all sorts of failings of body and mind began taking place.

And it took us about three months of going to doctors and spending about $15,000 in mid-1980s kind of time, or 90s. kind of time to find out what was this that was causing all these crazy symptoms. About every two weeks a new symptom would show up. Meanwhile, Nancy and I had what we eventually called the disease of the week kind of issue. Nancy would go to all the doctor's appointments because I was not in no shape to make sure I remembered everything.

And she would hear, we think that Vern might have brain cancer. And so we're going to check him out for that. That would be this week. Next week, oh, no, he probably has MS. And then the next week, no, it's a spinal cord cancer or tumor. Or perhaps it's, you know, and so it was one thing, and then the next, and then the next. And every week or two, it would be a different disease that they thought that I might have. Well, in the midst of that, what happens?

We've said before that marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. It is not. By God's intent, it's 100-100. And my illness tested that because I didn't have 100% to give. And so what it did is it tested that very principle. It is always 100-100. But when Vern's not up to 100, then Nancy's 100 has to fill in.

Ultimately, what we have here is the way it works. No, but it's still a special application of the biblical principle. So, key thing to look at. Biblical wisdom consists of biblical knowledge applied to our hearts and lives. The biblical principles still apply, even in the atypical circumstances.

They may get tested differently, but they still apply. all family relationships, and that includes a state of singleness. Relationship with the Lord is the basis for every important family relationship. Our relationship with the Lord is the basis for that family relationship. The primary key then to family relationships is one's own walk with the Lord.

In this passage that Courtney read for us, the terms as to the Lord or in the Lord shows up repeatedly and even beyond that passage into the next passage after that. Verses 4 through 9 in that same chapter 6 of Ephesians continues on with that theme. Alongside that is an understanding of what scripture says, the very principles we've been looking at today and this entire month in fact. And about the eternal romance between Christ and the church. It makes a whole lot more sense to live it if we understand it. What does Scripture say?

And finally, upon those facts as revealed by God, we walk by faith. Even as we had the ceremony up here this morning, notice that we didn't ask people to make promises. No promises asked. What did we say? Are you willing by faith to walk in this? Yes. I'm willing to walk by His grace.

The godly marriage relationship is modeled after the eternal romance between Christ and the church. That's a principle that comes out in this Ephesians 5 passage real clearly. And the husband's headship is regarded by the wife and the children in a home as to the Lord, or as this particularly says in Ephesians 6, 1 through 3, in the Lord. The principle is repeatedly stated. The relationship with the Lord and the understanding of the eternal romance between Christ and the Church, that's the basis of family relationships.

See, as time goes by, these biblical principles are lived out not because, okay, now I've got a set of rules I can live by. Now I've got something to beat myself or somebody else over the head with. No. They're lived out by walking in fellowship with the Lord, They're lived out by growing in the Lord and knowing what that growing is. And by resting in who He is and what He has done.

That's how it gets lived out. Not by promising really hard. Not by trying really hard. Not by saying, it doesn't matter how many times I'll fail. I'll get up and do it again. No. The Lord doesn't want you to do it. He wants to do it through you. Resting in who He is and what He has done. It's His to do. It's His marriage. It's His motivation. It's His empowerment that counts.

Let's pray. Lord, we thank You for what You've laid out here. We thank You for Your love and care for us and Your faithfulness. As we look at these principles, as we look at these truths, Your grace continues to flow through mountains of grace, fountains of grace, rivers and oceans of grace. Thank You for that. In Jesus' name, Amen.