Gods Intent for Families
Ephesians 5:31-33; Genesis 1:23-24; Genesis 2:18-25 · Vern Peterman · Jan 20, 2008
Genesis, No. 08
Holly Hills Bible Church
https://hollyhillsbiblechurch.org/teaching/messages/4926051167315

Transcribed from the recording by SermonAudio, so expect the occasional misheard word.

Good morning. I'm excited about looking at the passage that Wayne read for us here this morning. A couple of things we need to take a look at first. We, of course, want you to have supplements. It seems like, boy, you've got a mouthful of supplements here. No, these are paper supplements. And we have them on the cabinet to the right as you exit this room. We have three on Islam this week. And so feel free to take advantage of that.

Something I want to introduce, and that is a problem we had last week we hope to remedy, and that is that every single one of the supplements that we had there were gone completely. So we don't know if everybody got what they wanted and that's it, or whether 20 people were disappointed and didn't find the papers there. What we're going to try is this. So see if you can help us out here.

We have a sheet like this for last week's handouts. And these are all on marriage. And you can sign up, put your name, and then check by whichever ones you want, all three if you like. And so we have that for last week's handouts. We have a similar thing for this week. Also something else that we need to correct here this morning.

I announced a little over a month ago that we had four couples who are expecting here at Holly Hills. And I have to make a correction to that. And so anyway, if you'll bear with me, we have another mystery couple who is now expecting. And so at any rate, who puts these things together anyway? No, anyway. No, something is wrong here. Yeah, something's terribly wrong. No, Brian and Kelly Park. And anyway, if you're wondering who that is, this is Kelly is Brad Maston's sister. So anyway, you can catch up with that. OK.

That was close. with grandkid number six on the way, that might cause a whole lot of consternation. And the other thing that I've found is when you start teaching on Abraham and Sarah, you really got to watch it. I have a brother who's about ten years younger than me, and that was when the pastor was teaching on Abraham and Sarah. So anyway, careful.

One of the things we're going to do in looking at this, we've been announcing kind of a three-week series and examining it and looking things over. We're going to have this roll over into a fourth week. And so next week will be as time goes by. And so we'll kind of continue on with this focus looking at Genesis 224 and related passages to that. So we'll continue on next week.

Now, one of the other questions that might come up is, well, wait a minute. You seem to be talking a lot about marriage week after week. What if I'm not married? Well, that's a very good question. It's possible that you one day will be married. Some of you may laugh at the prospect, but that's possible. It is for someone who's in that place. This is good biblical preparation. It's certainly useful for that.

Beyond that, both single and married people have similar family relationships. And by that, I mean often siblings, parents, and other relatives. And there's a place of understanding, where is this person at with whom I have a relationship? And we're going to be talking even more next week about some of these extended family relationships. And so certainly there's value there.

The other thing is, is we're going to be focusing this morning on a passage that quotes Genesis 2.24, and that's Ephesians 5.21-33, and a few instances and a few verses beyond that. And half of that passage there makes reference to the relationship between Christ and the church. And so even if a person is not married, is not figuring on getting married, again, there is still half of the passage that focuses on the relationship between Christ and the church, and there's much to be learned from that.

There may also be special circumstances. You might find yourself in these special circumstances. We're going to be talking about cases of parents, children, families and that sort of thing this morning and next week as well. We recognize that there are special circumstances that people are in and hopefully not like the one that's on the screen. special circumstances that may call for adjustment and understanding or say I'm not the typical case or whatever and that's certainly okay. We're going to give the general picture that scripture describes and I think that there are actually biblical principles that would help us to apply to special circumstances that may arise.

Anyway, this is something we showed a few weeks ago and of course we want to recognize that there are differences between male and female. This little illustration here perhaps brings forth this difference in even something so common as buying a pair of pants, okay? All right. Okay.

Last Sunday we look at passages that quoted or followed quotes of Genesis 2.24.

And we looked at 1 Corinthians 7.1. That's one that Paul is actually correcting a false teaching. It's the one that says that, you know, you wrote about it is good for a man never to touch a woman. We actually recognize that as a false teaching that Paul immediately corrects and he rather adamantly corrects. So, that's one passage we looked at.

We look at the latter part of the passage that is Matthew 19, 10 through 12, in which he makes reference to or a quote of Genesis 1, 26 and 27, and then also in the Genesis 2, 24 passage there. And the one we'll be looking at here again this morning, Ephesians 5, 21-33, with the four kinds of unconditional love from the husband. The four kinds of unconditional love from the husband. We talked about sacrificial love, we'll talk about that some more this morning.

Sanctifying love, a love that is concern for her spiritual health and well-being. A caring love, a love that cares for her, that is a widening of the circle of love that the husband already has for himself. This is looking substantially at material and emotional needs. And then finally a bonded love, a love that says to her, I will be faithful to you alone. To you I am stuck like glue.

We also looked at what God's Word has to say about maleness and femaleness, because certainly Genesis chapter 1 brings that out. And Christ, in Matthew 19, pointed out that there is a biblically valid place, a giftedness, for a person who is single as well as for a person who is married. God has laid that out in His Word. And finally, we saw that both Paul and Christ agreed on this point. that both marriage and singleness are a giftedness from the Lord.

A person is gifted from the Lord for one or the other. We saw these four kinds of love as we examined those and we'll continue to touch upon that this morning. Something that we're going to do as we look at it, certainly you can keep your Bibles open to that Ephesians chapter 5 passage, the last half, starting with verse 21.

We're not going to be going through that in fine detail, but instead kind of drawing out principles from that. And I'm going to be doing something else somewhat consistently that I don't typically do, and that's I'm going to use myself as an example. And the reason is because I'm so old. I don't know how that ever happened, but the reason is because I've been in a number of different situations where I can say I can remember that, and of course there's a few things I can't remember, but I can remember that, I can remember that, or this is a present experience for me, so I'll make reference to that.

One of the things that comes out of this Ephesians 5 passage repeatedly is this relationship. The husband's relationship to the wife, and I can do this because Randy and Jessica are not here this morning, otherwise I could not get away with this. The husband is to the wife as Christ is to the church. It is the relationship between Christ and the church that is the model for the relationship between the husband and wife consistently throughout that passage of Ephesians 5, 21-33. That's the model. What is the relationship between Christ and the Church? That's the model for those four kinds of love. Okay? We're going to have you going in circles. However, our circles will be easier to look at than these. Okay? Alright. These circles. So we'll talk about more of that in detail. You have this on your handout and a few different slides as well.

Now, this Ephesians 5.21, actually through 6.4, right in the middle of that, verse 31 that Wayne read for us and started with, is really a quote from Genesis 2.24.

This passage centers the whole family upon Christ. The husband's role is as Christ is to the church. The wife's role is as to the Lord. Even the role of the children. Obey your parents in the Lord. See that? Jesus Christ is the reference point for the role of every single person in the family. Everyone. No exceptions. The husband is to the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

As clear as can be in that passage. As we go through that, the husband is to love his wife unconditionally. Not, I'll love you if, but I love you, period. In those four ways that we've laid out here before. The husband is to love his wife unconditionally in those four ways.

The wife is to be subject to her husband and to respect him as to the Lord. This is not the husband must make sure she knuckles under. It's the Lord directly giving a message to the wife. It is not the husband's job to make sure she knuckles under. It is not the husband's job to make sure that she respects him. That message of being subject to and respecting her husband is from the Lord himself. The relationship of Christ to the church is the ultimate model for husband and wife. Why? Because the relationship between Christ and the church is the model for husband and wife and the wife is carrying out what she does as to the Lord.

This passage here comes after several chapters that talk about the believer's position in Christ. What is astounding as I read through those first several chapters of Ephesians, is repeatedly giving us mind-boggling insights into who we are in Christ. Sounds like an elective we've got going on right now, right? Mind-boggling insights into who we are in Christ, and then he bases the husband and wife relationship on that eternal position that every single believer has in Christ.

Even in family relationships, the relationships that we have, our relationship to Christ defines what God intends for everyday life. When it's time to take out the garbage, Christ defines the relationship. When it's time to wash the dishes, or go to work, or get the kids to the soccer game, the relationship that we have to Christ is the defining relationship. Family relationships are at their spiritual healthiest place when each one in the family is growing in the Lord, who grows in their relationship with the Lord. That's what God has in mind. That's what God intends.

The priority of that spiritual principle, and this is key, if you look at what is spelled out in this passage, Ephesians 5.21 through about 6.4, The spiritual priority of that principle is the husband, then the wife, then each one of the children. That's the priority that Scripture puts on it.

So husbands, guess what? That means you first. You first, that doesn't mean you get your way first. By the way, it doesn't mean that the husband's good at it. The husband doesn't get this place because he's naturally good at it. He may not be. You may not be. It's there by God's intent, by God's design, because of Christ. Because of Christ.

Alright, we talk about spiritual growth. You have this, Sans Pictures, on your handout on page one. And it's just to give you the idea, what is the diet that feeds spiritual growth? We talk about the diet that feeds kids' growth, and boy, sometimes it's just phenomenal. Both the diet and the growth. I know when I was a teenager especially, I was a human backhoe. Just going at the food like crazy. This is the spiritual diet. This is the spiritual diet that this is talking about. What feeds spiritual growth? Okay.

This passage spells out to us a principle way that the husband expresses godly love to his wife is by leading his wife in growth in her day-by-day walk with Christ. That is a principle way. Remember the four ways? This is the second of those four ways.

By leading her in her growth in her walk with Christ. How spiritually healthy is she? It has to do with Christ. There isn't any other way of measuring it. The husband who is living biblically with his wife has a passion for her spiritual growth and health. How's their relationship with the Lord? A principal way that a father expresses his love for his children.

Ephesians 6.4, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

By the way, Proverbs 3.12, if you want to make note of that, it's not in your handout, also underscores that point. This is what love looks like. This is what love looks like for a father to love his children. You can do all kinds of things for the children, but Scripture says this is the center point. This is what matters.

As we've seen in this Genesis passage, and it shows up in Genesis chapter 2 in a couple of places, God's intent is that the wife be a helper suitable, and both those words are on purpose. and they're not lightweight. One of the things we've underscored here is this word for helper is a word that is used for great help, massive help, huge help, essential help. It is not just an incidental, optional, inconsequential assistance. It is a huge help. That's the picture we get from scripture here. She is an essential and major help.

Here is the way that the principle of oneness, and what we see here is, remember we saw in Genesis 2.23, this at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She and I have this thing in common. We have a oneness here. This principle of oneness looks like this.

The husband loves by leading and leads by loving. See that? The husband loves by leading and leads by loving. His wife is his God-given, his wife is his God-given and essential major helper. Okay? That's how God spells it out. In what? In what God has given him to do. They work together. They work together.

We have these relationships illustrated, and you have them in your handout as well, with circles regarding authority and stewardship. In other words, if you look at the authority in the family and the stewardship, what do we mean by stewardship? It's what we've been entrusted with. The circles go like this.

There is first, and that comes out clearly in that Ephesians 5 passage, the husband has a relationship with the Lord and a stewardship for his wife. He has been entrusted with her. Isn't that something? Husbands, you have been entrusted with your wife.

She's really the Lord's. As a matter of fact, you're one day going to present her before the Lord. That's what this passage says. You're going to be the one presenting her before the Lord. You have been entrusted with her. This is key. The wife, then, submits to her husband, who is her loving leader, as to the Lord.

The children also are a stewardship. We've been entrusted with our children. They are not ours in the sense of we own them and do with whatever we like. We've been entrusted with them. That's scripture's picture. But each believer has a direct relationship with the Lord. My dad was entrusted with my mom. My mom and dad were entrusted with me. At four and a half, I went in and begged for them to tell me, how do you become a believer? How do you become a Christian? How do you get saved? And so, at that point in time, I became a believer. Well, guess what?

There was this stewardship in place that we illustrate with circles. At the same time, I, at that moment, had a direct relationship with the Lord as well. These circles are to represent authority and stewardship. Even if our relationship with the Lord is direct. Key point. It is the model for all relationships, our relationship to Christ. That direct relationship to Him is the model for all other relationships.

I have one little, two little, three little, and might be more, you know, depending on how big your family is. But one of the things that's true, and Scripture underscores it, and you've probably seen it in your own life, children have a deep need and also direction from God Himself, that's in Ephesians 6, 4, to hold in very high regard the spiritual priority and the oneness of their mother and father before the Lord.

I heard a story once about a couple. They were sitting on the couch next to each other, the mother and father, and they had a four-year-old daughter. And the four-year-old daughter was looking at them with this look of concern. And she came up and took their hands and put them together. And then she was okay. She has this deep need to see everything's good with mom and dad. They're together. Yeah, yeah, that's the way it ought to be. They have that deep need.

And as a matter of fact, the Lord is telling them, you know, obey your parents. How? In the Lord. It's your relationship with the Lord that's going to define your relationship with the parents there. It's in the Lord that you obey them. Not only that, the children also have a deep need for direction. They have a deep need to have the instruction and discipline of the Lord from their father.

That's where scripture puts the primary responsibility. And remember, the wife is a suitable helper. She is a major assistance in the task that the Lord has given him to do. So the responsibility is principally and primarily put with the father in that instruction. She is not just minor help. She doesn't just give a nudge. She is major essential help in the task the Lord has given them to do. At an appropriate point in time, the children will likely be leaving the home. Notice I put the word likely in there.

To live out the giftedness that God has given them, whether for marriage or for singleness. That's one of those special circumstances, right? Either as a single person or as married. We talked last week about how singleness was a giftedness from God, and how marriage is also a giftedness from God.

Christ and Paul both talk consistently on this point. So the kids are ultimately going to get to that point. After a while the word kids gets a little bit of a stretch, but yeah, they will. Parents are to be growing their kids toward that finish line. See that? Parents are to be growing their kids towards that finish line. We have, as parents, a place of being entrusted with our children. It may seem mind-boggling when your kids are young, but yes, eventually they do grow up.

And there comes a point of recognizing, you know, I was just entrusted with them. I was just entrusted with them. I don't own them. I don't call the shots in their life. I don't determine what they do and where they go. I was just entrusted with them for a time. The parents' finish line is the children's starting line. We see it as parents, there's the finish line for us, but it's the starting line for them.

One of the things we're going to do this next Sunday, if we get some folks who would agree with it, is offer, for those who would like it, a renewal of vows. There may be some who find that attractive or interesting. And it would be if you just want a fresh expression. If perhaps maybe some of the things we've been talking about these last few weeks are new things and you'd like to be able to express that love in a kind of a new context and with new understanding. That's fine. Just let me know how personally or by phone or email or whatever suits you.

When a believing couple is married, This is what's happening. They are declaring a mutual willingness to walk by faith in the facts of the marriage as God has laid them out. We've been saying for some time here at Holly Hills, It's faith in the facts. And that's what a marriage is.

It's a willingness to mutually walk by faith. There's little short words that people typically say. I do. That's what it means. I am willing to walk by faith in those spiritually revealed facts of the marriage relationship as God put it in place from the very beginning. Right there at the start. I think Adam said something other than I do. He said something like this is at last. Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. But that's the idea.

Now, this is the point where I have to be careful I don't look at the picture too much or I lose control here. The parents, led by the bride's father, are by God's intent handing off the headship of their daughter to the man she is marrying. Handing off that headship. She was under your headship. And this is where I speak first person. She was under your headship. You're handing her off to another. To his headship. She'll be under his headship now. He is the one who is now her head. It is not my place biblically. Because remember, I was entrusted with her. It is not my place biblically to try to keep attention there or undermine or compete with that. I have a place biblically of supporting that new headship.

Here we have the relationship between Christ and the husband and the wife. The scripture lays it out. In the marriage, the parents are to recognize that the groom is now her new head. The groom and the bride are now founding a new home. It's a new family unit. This is what leaving father and mother is about and being joined to his wife, right? The groom is now the head with a direct relationship between that groom and the Lord and all the relationships we've talked about. As Christ is the head of the church, so now the groom. is the head of the bride. So this marriage then brings about an entirely new entity. It's an entity that didn't exist until that wedding day. The marriage of the bride and groom has now become a God-intended entity.

It is exactly what God had in mind. As a father, and I say this is not hypothetical, I've got two sons and a daughter that I've had to sort this out through. But I as a father need to be looking at this as this is God's intent. This is what God had in mind.

I had her up until that day. But I'm handing off the headship. She was a stewardship, but now I'm handing off the headship to her husband. He is leaving and cleaving, to use the King James word, being joined, super glued if you take the understanding of the original language carefully. Leaving and cleaving, leading her as her loving head. He is submitting to not some incredible ogre. She is submitting to his loving headship. Loving by leading, leading by loving. She is respecting him. She is his suitable helper.

This new entity, which is brought about by God's intent, created on the sixth day of creation. But God did not rest until he had created this new entity. This new entity is to be the center of living for the bride and groom. What do we mean by that? It is the spiritual center, it's the emotional center, and it is to be the center then for the children as well. spiritually, emotionally, and in every other regard. This is where life centers here on planet Earth, is in that relationship. It's the place of godly parents, of the groom and the bride, to give their son and daughter into this new entity, the new headship, this new entity called the marriage relationship. and the place of the parents to support that marriage and to continue to express support for that marriage.

One of the things I take rather seriously is the fact that this new relationship has begun. And now for each of the three of our own kids, this new relationship has begun. And I've expressed in various ways to each of my three kids. I say kids, but they're both 20s and 30s. Into each one of my three kids, I expressed support for that.

And I've said in various ways, I do not want to do anything that will distract from or undermine the home unit that you have. I want to do everything to support it. When I step into your home, I come in as a guest. I come there by your permission. I come there and I step into the home. The husband is the head. I'm not playing tug-of-war with this. I'm not doing anything to distract from it. I want her and however many kids to understand that. This relationship that God has created is something that's so grand and so great, I can't even touch it. Neither the parents nor anyone else should do anything that will detract from, compete with, or undermine the husband's headship, his loving headship, his leadership by loving. Nobody should undermine or detract or compete with that.

When Hal Malloy would do wedding ceremonies, this was something he actually included in the wedding ceremony itself. I think it's certainly wise. is he would express just the very truths that we've spoken of here to the parents in the wedding ceremony.

Because what we often do is we'll have, as I saw a picture there earlier, we'll have the father bring up the bride. And who gives this woman to be married? Her mother and I do. And we go through the procedure. But letting that sink in is, I think, real valuable and important. Why? It's because they are handing off the headship. to the husband, to the groom. And this new relationship is God's creation. It's there by God's intent.

And it's valuable and important for everybody to recognize that. Nancy and I have done marriage counseling certainly while here and even before that. And one of the things that we find is there's all kinds of different people in a relationship, and it can be friends, brothers, parents, all kinds of folks who don't understand the character of that new relationship. And sometimes it ends up being quite a counseling issue to get that resolved in everybody's mind. This is God's creation. Don't mess with it. This is what God intended. Now, one of the questions that comes up, well, wait a minute.

What if I've had a bad example? I look at, you know, my parents' relationship or, and I look at it and I think, oh, oh, it just was not something that I want to repeat. You may have had a bad example in one of two primary ways. One, you may have had a bad example in some respect in that the relationships that you saw, relationship or relationships that you saw, you look at it and you say, and I put it politely, less than the best. It may be awful. Okay? You may have seen an awful relationship. Or there may have been an absence of relationship. You look at it and you say, well, so-and-so wasn't around. And it may be by decisions that a mother and a father made. It may be by things that had nothing to do with anything they decided. In any of those cases, whether you look at the relationship and you say, well, that's not what I want to do, or whether you look at it and you say, I had no example at all, either way, either way, realizing it is very good. As believers, we do not need to guess about what does it mean to be a father? What does it mean to be a husband? What does it mean to be a man? We don't need to guess and we don't need to either copy or react to bad examples.

Have you ever known somebody who reacted to their parents? and did something different, and they said, oh, I'm not going to do that, but I'm going to do this other thing. Living by not just copying, but also by reaction, even if it is intense rebellion, it's still the parents' lives calling the shots, isn't it? You're still not acting independently if you're reacting.

The only way to look at what should this relationship be, is to say, what did God have in mind? To learn from the Lord. The world is going to give us examples. Some of them will be outrageously unrealistic. Examples you might have seen in a movie. You're going to see examples like this of what it means to be a man and a woman, a husband and a wife. Well, I tell you, I hope you don't have to live through too many outtakes in your life if you're going to use these as examples, right?

The world will have examples for us to look at to define what's a man, what's a woman. We needn't look at those. Instead, we have scripture. We have God's word and we have God's family right here, okay? There are other believers that we can look at and say, oh, that's what it means to be a father. We can look at scripture. Oh, that's what it means to be a husband. And we can learn differently. We can.

When I was thinking through this, one of the things that came through my mind is, some of you know already, my grandmother was a missionary to the cannibals in Fiji. She went there around World War I era, and at that time there was still cannibals in Fiji. And matter of fact, she went to the market and she would find chicken meat and cow meat and pig meat and people meat at the market. So there were still cannibals there, right? And so she was a missionary to these people. And some of these people, they would come to the Lord and they would say, oh, I'm glad that Christ died for my sins. Oh, I used to eat people, you know? There was a radical change. Obviously, these people had to look and say, well, I can't do what my dad did. I can't do what my mom did. I've got to do something quite different.

And really, even though that may seem like a radical example, the reality is that every believer may find themselves in a position where they've got to learn something new. They've got to learn something quite different from what they've seen, either by bad example or no example. But we can learn. We do have God's Word and we do have God's family to learn.

What should it be like? How do you be a father and a mother and a husband and a wife? Scripture makes it clear that the husband and the wife, the bride and the groom, will be living out God's intent for their marriage as they walk in fellowship with the Lord, as they grow in the Lord, as they rest in the Lord. What do we mean by rest? As they depend upon all of what Christ has done and who He is. That's resting. On the outside, it may look like and may mean working hard. But inside, it's all dependent upon who Christ is and what He has done. That's resting.

They can teach their children to do likewise. One of the things that comes up as a question there, it was real interesting. When we were raising our kids, we found that family devotions did not work. It was very close to declaring a world war inside the house. Part of the problem, you had kids of different ages and different temperaments and it just didn't work. So what I would suggest is that it may be a matter of looking and saying, you know, how do I carry out this teaching the children in the best way? What works?

Well, one of the things that I had to end up doing was the first 15 years of our marriage, I was not a human being. I was a human doing, okay? Now, this comes as a shock to you, maybe not to everybody. I was not a human being. I was a human doing. I was really into doing stuff.

I'll just give you an example. I would work 60 to 80 hours a week when we had all three kids at home. And then I worked on my MBA, which if I went full time was two years. And while working full time 60 to 80 hours a week, I got it done in three years. Well, this is nuts. So I sat down with each one of my kids and apologized once I realized how crazy this was for being the example to them that I had been. But I had the opportunity from that point forward to teach them and for them to see.

And one of the things that they could see was, oh, I can see the difference. Dad changed from a human doing to a human being. But a saved human being. A human being that put their trust in Christ and they could see the difference. Nancy at one point in time, I can tell this story I think, but you can get away with it. Nancy at one point in time even asked the kids, can you tell the difference between when I'm walking with the Lord and when I'm not? Yeah, yeah, they could. So the contrast, even the contrast is something the kids can learn from and see. And that's a good thing.

Parents and family of the couple, of the bride and groom, also be living out God's intent. What do you know, as they support the bride and groom in their walk with the Lord, in their growth, and in resting in the Lord. Funny thing how that is. Every single one, married or single, male or female, however, the Lord has created you or gifted you, every single one, will be best off walking with the Lord, growing in the Lord, and resting in Him, depending upon who He is and what He's done. Funny how that is. Let's pray. Lord, as we look at this passage and just kind of Draw from it the principles that are there before us.

We're thankful for who you are and what you've done. And we're thankful for the ways in which you've gifted each one of us. And you have a plan and a place for every one of us. And Lord, for the privilege we have of carrying out that giftedness until the day when we see you face to face. And we just pray that you would bring our hearts and minds, Lord, draw our hearts and minds to behold you. That we live this day for that day when we see you face to face. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.