Sacrificial love, Sanctifying love, Eph, 5:25-27

Good morning. I have to confess, I've been looking forward to teaching this passage for a long, long time. Maybe even before I was born. I don't know. But anyway, this is just, I think, a really neat passage. We're continuing on in our series that will, this will mark kind of the halfway point here when we're done. Six weeks of looking at the subject, especially through the eyes of this passage in God's Design for Marriage. And one of the things I would point out, if you don't quite get it yet, if you think I left questions unanswered, hang in there.

We'll get there. Okay. All right. One of the principles that Paul has introduced earlier, as we started looking at this passage, is just this relationship. The relationship between the husband and the wife is defined by the relationship between Christ and the church. The husband is to be to the wife as Christ is to the church. That's the fundamental relationship that we've established here.

As we go through this passage here, we'll be proceeding to the end of the chapter. And right now we're at this stage here, verses 25 through 27. One of the things we've been pointing out, and we'll do so this morning, is there are four kinds of love defined in this chapter. Kinds of love from the husband towards the wife. And particularly this morning, we'll be looking at the first two. So one of the things we pointed out last week, just to bring people up to speed and remind you, is the husband's character then is not this, not this fellow, but this instead. A sacrificial love, a sanctifying love, a caring love, and a bonded love. And of course, these first two are what we'll be focusing on here in this morning's passage.

So we want to take a close look at these passages, these verses here. specifically at verses 25 through 27. And what we want to do is, as we're doing this, we want to hold the husbands up in prayer, particularly. Okay? And so please, please do that. This is going to be a challenging passage for them. You've got to realize what a big change it is for a guy. If a guy's been going, he's been living his life just kind of wild and free, hair blown in the wind, and all of a sudden, Life changes, you know? And there's this, all of a sudden, just a whole bunch of responsibilities that he's got to take on, see? So anyway, hold the guys up in prayer. This is quite a shock to them. Alright. As we look at the passage here, we'll start off with the first verse. Can you imagine that? Verse 25.

We've been pointing out this word agapeo, or agapao, And this is the verb for love. It's love in action. But it's not just any kind of love. You know, we use love rather generally in our culture. Someone will say, I love going to the beach, which is tough to do in Colorado, but I love going to the beach. I love hot dogs. I love my wife. I love my country. And we use the same word for all those things. And we mean something quite different by them. This word is very specific. It's a word that he uses a couple of times here real clearly.

And the first one is an imperative. Husbands, you must love your wives. The idea is that it's an unconditional love. He must love his wife. It is a logical conclusion from his position in Christ and the relationship that we defined previously. The husband's love for the wife is as Christ's love for the Church.

So that's the first Agapolo that comes up there. The next one here is a statement of historical fact. It's Christ's unconditional love for the church, just as Christ also loved the church unconditionally, not because, boy, the church has been doing nice things for him, but because he loved the church without prior condition, without reservation, without depending upon something that the church did or had or offered. And one of the relationships that we brought up before is this. Out of 1 John 4, 19, we, that is the church, love in responsive love because he, Christ, first loved us.

So the husband responds in love to the initiating love of Christ. Likewise, in relationship between the wife and Christ, the wife responds and responsive love to Christ's initiating love. That being the example, the husband is the one to love the wife, and that's why it's spelled out so clearly in this chapter. The husband is the initiator of unconditional love. The wife's love is responsive to his initiation of love. Alright, now, husbands love your wife, and here's the example, Christ loved the church unconditionally. Christ didn't just look at the church and kind of get gushy-hearted. Aww. But no, he loved the church unconditionally, and gave himself up for her.

Interestingly, we've seen this when we studied the first couple of verses in Ephesians 5. Verse 2, And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, Agapaul, and gave himself up for us. Same words as we see there in Ephesians 5. He's repeating it. Paul uses the same words again when he gave the identification truth. I have been crucified with Christ. At the end of that verse, what does he say? I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me. Same words. So this is a repeated message and passage, and we'll see why in a little bit here.

To think about it, this is what a husband's love looks like. The husband's love for his wife is not based on the wife's personality, physical attractiveness, her fertility, or the lack of it, her behavior, any benefit that he receives. It depends not on what time of the month it is. It does not depend on what stage of pregnancy or what time of life. The husband's love is independent of the wife. The husband loves the wife unconditionally, no matter what stage she's at.

Now, the husband's love for the wife is to be entirely unconditional, founded on his own position in Christ and that relationship between Christ and the Church. It is, as this passage spells out, sacrificial, as Christ gave his life. We've seen here in three passages, this one, Ephesians 5, 1 and 2, Galatians 2.20, Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. It is a sacrificial love, clearly.

I put this as a kind of a thought to think about, not necessarily recommending that we replace rings with something, but with these nails I'd be wed. Not suggesting we change the symbol. It's kind of tough to wear a nail on your finger. But there's a point here, and that is ultimately That what is the husband saying when he says, I do? I am beginning a time when for as long as the Lord will have us together, I will love you sacrificially. That's what he's saying I do to.

The husband loving his wife sacrificially is not something for spiritual wimps. Think about that. Love as Christ loved the church. That is an incredible undertaking. That is the kind of love that he follows immediately after husbands are the head of the wife, and so the wife is to submit to the husband. Now, husband, let me tell you the first kind of love that needs to come up. You're to have a sacrificial, unconditional love for your wife. Point number one.

We can't do it. And the sooner we realize that, the better off we're going to be. We can't do it. It's not ours to do. The unconditional love that we have for the wife, husbands, is not to be done on a trial basis. Ever hear of a trial marriage? Just think of having a trial crucifixion. Did Jesus have a trial crucifixion? No. Jesus spent his life, gave himself, No trial marriage.

No testing this out. No, let's do this for a while and see if it works. Crucifixion isn't something you do that way. The husband is to give his life, sacrificially, for his wife. It is only to be accomplished through the life of Christ. That's why you don't give it a trial. It's not to see if I can do it. Forget it. It's Christ doing it, period, or it's not to be done.

Now, if we look at this passage here, now look at the next couple of verses, 26 and 27. We got this, You see, Christ didn't just love the church and give himself up for the church and say, well, that's good, I'm walking away from this thing. No. There was a reason for doing so, and that's the so that. That's the reason for the rest of the verses we see there, 26 and 27. Christ loved the church and gave himself up for the church for a specific and eternal purpose.

And he spells out what that is. Now, for the rest of this passage here, we have to go to a wedding. Can you handle that? You're all dressed up for it, right? I'm not sure I am. Anyway. Okay, I'm going to go to a wedding here. A Jewish wedding. Alright? Okay. Can you handle that? I can't. Alright.

A first century Jewish wedding. Let's do that. We're going to look at some Jewish marriage practices to get the idea of what Paul's trying to convey. Because 26 and 27 are basically laying out the character of a Jewish wedding ceremony and what went on beforehand. Let's take a look at it.

In Ephesians 1, 3 and 4, remember he had just gotten through telling them Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him in love.

This is what the Jewish father would do. He would select the bride. Yes, there was some consultation to be done and things of that sort. But the initial thing, select the bride so that the bride would be brought at one day before the husband, that they be married and that she be holy and blameless before him. That was the intent.

So he would go out and pick the bride and we see that example of the very first verses we study in Ephesians were exactly that. Now, at the appointed time the father would send the son off to negotiate at the father's house for the prospective bride. He'd lay that out and What we see repeated twice in the book of John at a minimum, the Father himself sent me, Jesus said. The Father who sent me, John 20, 21. There, the bridegroom would negotiate the bride price for the wife.

Now, we don't quite do that. As a matter of fact, things are a little bit turned around. The bride's family usually ends up laying out a good chunk of change. I know, because Becky got married just a little over a year ago. But in those days, what would happen is there would be a bride price to be paid. And you had to negotiate with that bride price. And so what would happen is the father sending the son would tell him, this is what we're going to be paying ahead of time. So the son would know, here's the amount.

Now, Jesus came to earth knowing full well what the bride price was, and he kept telling the disciples what the price would be, and even they couldn't believe it. You're going to do what? He says, yes, I'm going to be delivered up and I'm going to die. Oh, no. And Jesus said, yes, that's the bride price. Essentially, he kept laying out. This is the price that it will take to purchase the bride. That's what it's going to cost. I'm going to have to die. Once the bridegroom had paid the purchase price, they would have a marriage covenant established, and the bridegroom and the bride, promised then, would be considered betrothed.

In our culture, we might say engaged. To us, engagement is rather informal. To them, it was a very important event, so important that as we see is the case with Joseph and Mary in the early chapters, of a couple of the Gospels, Matthew and Luke, so much so that to break that betrothal, that engagement, required a divorce. It was a legal process that you had to go through if you were going to break it. So it was considered very significant.

Since Christ the bridegroom has paid the price, the marriage covenant has indeed been established and the church has now betrothed to Christ. That's exactly what Paul spells out in 2 Corinthians 11. Then the bridegroom would hold the hands of the bride and stand before at least the father of the bride and sometimes others and say, you are consecrated, you are sanctified, you're set apart exclusively for me. And that's precisely what we see here. Paul says it here in this passage, that he might sanctify the church. Sanctify, set apart, for the intended purpose. The intended purpose being, you are to be my wife.

As a symbol of the covenant relationship, the bride and groom would drink from a cup of wine and they would have a benediction of that betrothal pronounced over the cup of wine. And we carry that over in part as we honor the Lord's table, as we'll do this very next week. A continuation of that custom, if you will. Then, the bridegroom would begin preparing a place for the bride. And basically, they typically would have about a year in the customs of the time to fix up a place and prepare a place. And so that's why we see Jesus telling the disciples, I go and prepare a place for you. I will come again and receive you to myself. That where I am, you may be also. So Jesus is presenting the next step before them there.

From then until the wedding, the father was to keep the bride, as the father of the bride, was to keep the bride consecrated and sanctified and set apart for the bridegroom. And any family members or close friends were also to join in and help in that. You can imagine, just going back to the instance of Mary and Joseph, Joseph finding out that Mary was pregnant, absolutely stunning. It was not only a failure of Mary, it was a failure of Mary's family and friends and everybody. So it was a huge shock for him, something that the Lord had to reveal things directly to him for him to be able to move on and take Mary as his wife. Jesus praying to the Father in John 17 says, sanctify them in the truth. Your word is truth. that keeping the bride, the church, holy. How does that happen? His word.

Family and friends, I mentioned, would join in. Second Corinthians 11, 2, Paul appears to be doing something quite similar to that. The bride was also, however, to prepare for the wedding day. And by the way, this is one practice that was also in common with the Greek wedding customs. So as Paul would mention it here, those who were of Greek and Gentile background would also understand what he was saying. There was a bridal bath, and it was more than just, hey, she needs to take a shower before the wedding, or take a bath, but it was a ritual thing. It was something that was intended to symbolize her cleanliness and her purity before this wedding time.

And so, 1 Corinthians 6.11, Paul writes to these believers, And what did he say? But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, declared righteous, okay? In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the spirit of our God.

He draws upon that picture so that they would understand. On the wedding day, the father of the bridegroom would say to the bridegroom, Okay, now, go get your bride. And then the bridegroom would go off to initiate the wedding ceremony, get his bride. The bridegroom would then receive his consecrated, sanctified, and set-apart bride to himself, and all the father and the friends and the close family would be there to present the bride, holy and blameless, before the groom, before the bridegroom. it was also considered that the bridegroom was presenting to himself the bride as well. Now, interesting, so that, so when Paul says so that, he's starting a series of things that they would understand very well.

Think about this, because one of the things that they would say frequently in the preparation for this is being sanctified. Let's look at what does that mean here for believers. The first one, in the past, all believers were made saints. That is, they were sanctified, made holy, set apart for their intended purpose, based on their belief in Christ. They are given an irreversible, untouchable position in the heavenlies as a result. In the present, Believers are being sanctified. We are in the process of being put to our intended purpose, being made holy, growing in the Lord. And, finally, in the futures, all believers will ultimately be completely sanctified when our daily condition will be one with, irreversibly, eternal position.

So these are the three steps. Essentially what's happening, this marriage between a husband and wife is focusing on this part, isn't it? It's this present sanctification, this ongoing sanctification that a marriage is focusing upon. Now, meanwhile, back at the passage, let's get there.

At the end of verse 26, there's an interesting thing that comes up. If you look at the washing of water with the word, You might immediately think of, well, that's the Bible. And you wouldn't be entirely wrong, except there's something very interesting.

It refers to the spoken word. The spoken word. At the very beginning of the betrothal, remember what happened? The bridegroom said to the bride, you are consecrated, you are sanctified. Spoke to her face to face. You are set apart for me. Now, since the relationship between Christ and the church is the parallel, the model for the husband and the wife, this is not talking about the husband handing the wife a Bible and saying, there, you got it. Okay guys, I'm glad you're sitting down. Get this, this is the spoken word.

You may even have to talk to her. You may need to even talk to your wife. Yes, it may be required here. even beyond maybe. There is a part of the sanctification process here in which the husband is the instrument of sanctification for the wife by talking to her, speaking with her.

And what's interesting too is in every other place where this word is used, it is spoken from God. you're going to speak the words of God to your wife. That is going to be sanctifying. How about that? This is amazing stuff because I have a sacrificial love and the sanctification process that I'm involved in, I am going to be speaking the words of God to my wife. It's part of her being sanctified and set apart.

Think about this. Does this not make sense to you? that with husbands, with your standing as Christ in the relationship with your own bride, you're to live sacrificially for the bride, that's clear, as Christ paid the price for the church in His own blood. He paid the bride price. We are to live sacrificially as husbands. That's the model. That's the model. Does it not make sense then? This is what I do means. That's what you're signing up for. Did you know that? Probably not. Okay? This is what I do means.

Now, the next part there, with our standing, with our wives being modeled by the relationship between Christ and the Church, as the Lord Himself prepares an eternal place for your bride, Isn't it phenomenal to think that you have this amazing opportunity to prepare your bride, husbands, for that place? Yeah.

That's the first kind of model he spells out here in this sacrificial and then sanctifying love. It is that your wife be put to her intended purpose. And ultimately, you are preparing her for that place that our Lord Jesus Christ is preparing for his bride, the Church. You are being privileged to be a part of that process. That is amazing.

Here is an eternal relationship between Christ and the Church, and the husband has a key role, for whatever time the Lord gives the husband and wife together, in preparing that bride for her eternal home. The way I put it here is, this day is starting the husband's part of preparing her for that day, that day to come, when she goes to meet the Lord. In that same relationship, you have a divinely declared intent to have that bride set apart, as sanctified, as holy and blameless, until He comes for her.

Isn't that something? Isn't that amazing, husbands? That the Lord would involve us in that process? That is phenomenal. Having that standing, it makes sense then that we would have hearts sold out in full, asking the question, how is my bride doing spiritually? Thinking often of What does my bride need next in her walk and growth in the Lord? How does my bride stand spiritually? How is she doing?

What words? Remember the Rima? The spoken word? What words does she need next? There will be a focus then upon the sacrificial love coming from the Lord and a looking at, what does my bride need to grow? What does my bride need in her walk with the Lord? Those things are going to be central in the husband's thinking. Look at what's next here, that he might present to himself the church.

So the husbands have an opportunity for time. that has an impact for eternity. We have years, decades if we are fortunate with our wives. And yet the impact is not just for this time. It's not just to make sure we get dinner done. It's not just to make sure the house gets cleaned. The impact is eternal. Big impact. in all her glory." Now, interesting that he puts that.

What does it take for a believer to express glory? The Lord shares His glory with us, does He not? And how do we grow from glory to glory? We are changed from glory to glory by beholding Him. As a husband, then, my concern would be if I want her to be presented in all her glory, that she would grow from glory to glory.

And that is, how do I nurture my wife's beholding of the Lord in His Word? How do I foster that? How do I nurture that? Because looking at where she stands spiritually is so pivotal. I'll be thinking about that, won't I? Because as I understand the place that I have, a sacrificial love and a sanctifying love, I look at my bride and I am possessed with, how is she doing? How can I nurture her in her growth in the Lord? How can I nurture her walk with the Savior?

This word keeps coming up, the spoken word. There is also the written word, because the glory Remember, we're changed from glory to glory is by beholding the Lord through his word. We have the spoken word and the written word. As a husband, you have a place in both, in ministry to your wife. You see, husbands have this opportunity and a privilege, and yes, there is a logical imperative with it too, to love the wife, to speak to her and to nurture her in beholding the Lord. What a neat privilege we have.

We get to live out in daily life that eternal romance between life, Christ and the Church. And what that looks like in daily life is a concern for the husband is, how's my wife doing spiritually? I want her to grow. I want her to walk with the Lord closer every day. I want her walk with the Lord to be more intimate. I want her to understand her eternal position in Christ and how much Christ loves her. I want the life of Christ to be lived through me so that she knows how much Christ loves her.

Having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she would be holy and blameless. Now, I want to put your minds at ease. This is not guaranteeing eternal tummy tucks and facelifts, okay? This has nothing to do with that. This is all about your bride's spiritual stance before the Lord. That explains her glory. Do you see what that is? All her glory, and then he goes and explains what that glory looks like. What does that glory look like? It looks like Christ's righteousness. That's what it looks like.

And as a husband, I'm going to have before me, I want my bride to have Christ's righteousness. What does that take? Ever in front of my eyes. Ephesians 1-4 we looked at, that we were chosen that we would be holy and blameless before Him. And now here we see this passage that's used as the model, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. My concern for my bride is that she be presented before the Lord with His righteousness. That's going to be at the forefront. when I look at my bride.

Colossians 1.21-22 that we looked at. Same, similar message. In order to present you before him holy and blameless. This is the husband's concern for the wife. I want my wife to have the Lord's righteousness so that when she stands before him, she stands before him, she is holy and blameless, standing in his righteousness. 2 Corinthians 11 2. This is Paul's passion. Do you see that in the verse? Jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I want you to be fully consecrated and sanctified and set apart that I might present you to Christ as a pure virgin.

See, the sacrificial love and the sanctifying love are going to be things that are forefront in the husband's thinking as he looks at his wife. These are kinds of love this world can't even imagine, can't even fathom. And the only reason it makes any sense at all is because we have as a model, husbands, we have as a model the relationship between Christ and the Church. And the world cannot begin to fathom that.

Now, for the bonus. Colossians 3 18 and 19 He takes what he has written to the Ephesians, and we've been looking at here that takes several weeks. This is it those couple of verses Wise be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord Brief message to the husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. They're very interesting That's a different thing from the Ephesians passage, but want to add that two things here this morning. Don't be embittered against them.

This is a word there that has to do with a wormwood bitterness. And he uses it here in a verb form. There is an herb called absinthium. It's used in the book of Revelation. When we were studying through it, we encountered that same bitterness a few different times. And Revelation 8-11 is one of those. it caused the water to be toxic and is actually fatal in the instance there. So, what happens, just to use the analogy, if you take this herb into you, the response most people are going to have is headaches, stomach aches, and central nervous system disorders.

Any volunteers? Paul is conveying this idea. He says, the husbands do not be embittered against your wives. And why does he give that caution? For the church at Ephesus, he lays out these four kinds of love. In Colossae, apparently there's some different issues, but it's one that we ought not to ignore. And that it's real easy to get a lot of negative sentiment built up, a lot of bitterness and resentment, if we're not careful.

And so his challenge there is not that we just sit there and say, okay, I'm not going to be bitter. I'm not going to be bitter. I'm not going to be bitter. I'm not going to be bitter. Right? But that instead, we look at this and we recognize, no, bitterness is the wrong direction. I am to love my wife unconditionally. If I begin trying to love my wife conditionally, what's the result? Bitterness. Okay? It's not going to work. Don't try it. Or try it if you want to, it won't work. But his point here is we need to stand in our position in the Lord. We need to recognize that.

What God has assigned us to, men, those who are husbands or who are at one point in time, maybe, what God has assigned us to is a place of loving our wives unconditionally. Conditional love will easily fall into bitterness. That's not what he's calling it to here, is it? He's calling us to a love that this world doesn't understand. I'll let you go through, expand it and explain on your own time. But what a marvelous thing that the Lord has done here. He's laid out a love that this world cannot comprehend.

He's laid out two, and we've got two more to go, two illustrations of the kind of love that the husband is to have for the wife. A concern and a love for her that doesn't depend on her behavior and her performance and her character, but instead depends upon Christ and his love for the church. Let's pray. Lord, as we look at this, how wonderful, how marvelous, how tremendous, and yes, how overwhelming. It is not a love, Lord, that husbands are of their own to express. But Lord, as we look at it, what a tremendous privilege and opportunity we have as husbands. to carry out a love that this world does not comprehend, but with benefits for the bride that extend into eternity, because she is so cherished. I just pray that we would learn these things and they would sink deep into our hearts. In Jesus' name, Amen.